Day 45 Today was a blank

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Today I stayed home and did very little. I found my unemployment checks, discovered that my retirement account at TRG was closed. ($22 check. I only put in money with a couple of paychecks, and got it all back, plus a couple of dollars.) The unemployment checks are going to pay my hospital bill and my eye and dental insurance. The pension check, for tithing.

I worked a little on the book. Still, not a profitable day.

Tomorrow I will work at doing better, doing more.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 44 What is needed

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I had a hard time getting started today.  I just waste so much time.

At 2:00 Linda and I went visiting teaching to a young wife and mother we've been with for a while.  Linda has been with her for a lot longer time.  We got there as she and her husband were having a fight--he'd been drinking, and, worse, was denying it.  I listened to him for a while, and suggested bringing back a pizza when we returned.

We took her to a restaurant, where Linda bought some appetizers and let her talk.  Linda gently reminded her that he was a good man, and that alcoholism is a hard thing, and that she knew he had the problem when they first got together.  She also suggested that she come back to church, and that he go to  the 12-step meetings.  There were some other family needs--a couch needed to be taken to the dump, stuff to Goodwill, and a stray cat to the Humane Society.

We went to the pizza place.  I didn't have any coupons to save a couple of dollars.  I took out my unemployment card, and thought about how all the money in the world is God's, and that I was given money to help others. And I bought the pizza,and we took her back to her apartment.  Her husband was apparently in one of the bedrooms, watching television.  We got the stuff that needed to go to Goodwill, hugged, made arrangements for Saturday, and left.  So lesson #5 was put into action today

On the way home, I bought some sour cream and after I got home, made some cookies for June, who had invited my husband and I over for dinner.  Doug ended up working in Prineville for a while longer, and missed the dinner.

Doug said that Bank of America had sent us a 1099, for $6,000, and that we were going to have to pay taxes on it, of about $2,000, and that if I had agreed to declare bankruptcy back then, we wouldn't even have had to pay taxes.  I thought about how if we'd declared bankruptcy, we probably wouldn't be in the house right now.  He was going to take money out of our 401(k) again, but I suggested that the government does take payments.  I reminded him that we didn't declare bankruptcy as we had no assets to protect.  I remembered later that if we have cancer or something drastic health-wise, we'd be stuck.

Tonight is Antiques Roadshow.  We'll watch it, as it was done in Eugene, Oregon, and see all the stuff that people have and how valuable it is, and daydream what could have been done if we'd had the money instead.

When I read the Book of Mormon last night, I just opened it at random and saw this:


Behold, could ye suppose that ye could sit upon your thrones, and because of the exceeding goodness of God ye could do nothing and he would deliver you? Behold, if ye have supposed this ye have supposed in vain.  (Alma 60:11)


So I felt like a slug after I read it, and thought of it this morning while I waited for the phone to ring with an interview or a job offer.  I felt, though, visiting the young woman, that I was supposed to be there today.

Later in the day, a former coworker at Freddy's, who has been having her own employment misadventures, posted this on Facebook:

“One of the most poisonous of all Satan’s whispers is simply, “Things will never change.” That lie kills expectation, trapping our heart forever in the present. To keep desire alive and flourishing, we must renew our vision for what lies ahead. Things will not always be like this. Jesus has promised to “make all things new.” Eye has not seen, ear has not heard all that God has in store for his lovers, which does not mean “we have no clue so don’t even try to imagine,” but rather, you cannot out-dream God. Desire is kept alive by imagination, the antidote to resignation. We will need imagination, which is to say, we will need hope. 

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 43 Looking out around me

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Our friends went to church with us, and left after Sacrament meeting.  I have a church calling now, to help with visiting teaching as a supervisor.

It was Book of Mormon day in all three meetings.  The part that I want to hold onto the rest of the week is that the Lord will prepare the way for those who keep--or seek--to keep his commandments.

And I appreciate again the reminder that the current unemployment/underemployment is an affliction going on in the world, and not a character flaw on my part.  Though I have a lot of characters flaws and thought on them today.

Pam had an interesting story during Sunday School class, about the little things that we sometimes have to encourage us.  She was a single mom, divorced, with two teenagers she was raising, and barely making it financially.  She got engaged to Jim, divorced man in the church, with his kids, retired businessman.  And she found a picture of some lace in a bridal magazine that she would have liked for her wedding dress, but knew that she'd never be able to find it out on this side of the continent, and that she'd never be able to afford it.  She found it in a store that she rarely shops, and some celebrity had ordered a surplus for her outfit, paid for it, and the remainder was on sale, so Pam had it for her wedding dress.  

I had a similar thing happen, when I went to University of Oregon.  While I was in high school, we had "The Apollo of Bellac" in one of my English classes, and I liked the play and I wished I could be in it, playing Theresa.  I was in the cafeteria line at college, and saw the open audition flyer.  I thoroughly enjoyed auditioning for the role, nailed it, got complimented by my co-auditioner, but didn't get the part.  I did perform in it, and enjoyed it very much.

Our neighbors had us over for meatloaf tonight.  It was a very nice dinner, cozy and comfortable.  I tried to stay focused in the present, as the cars went by on the night street in the rainy dark.  I didn't want to think about us having to move away.

I watched and read a talk the author J.K.Rowlings gave, about her time of poverty, and what she learned from it. I need to reread it, as I felt that I only touched the very outer part, and have yet to incorporate any part of it in my being.   http://harvardmagazine.com/2008/06/the-fringe-benefits-failure-the-importance-imagination

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 43 Not skiing

Today I decide to be wealthy.

There was a night ski special today, and I went to it, but I stayed in the lodge and read a book while friends and my husband skied.  I don't have any insurance to cover me if I fell and broke my leg, and I'm not that experienced on skis.  (Last time I went, I had trouble getting off the chair lift, and it had to be stopped almost every time.)

So I read a novel about a girl who was a refugee from Viet Nam who moved to Alabama.  The scene outside the windows was very lovely, and skiers commented on how icy the snow was.


We have friends staying the night.  Being able to have friends stay comfortable in your home is a very  nice.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 41 Tonight I went to an event

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I didn't get much sleep last night.  I snore, and that keeps my husband awake who then keeps me awake, and finally I went down and tried to sleep on the futon couch, and had a cat keeping me awake.  I tried putting it outside, but the other one came in, so I was exchanging one for the other.

I went to the school and shelved books for a short while, and got a few groceries, cleaned up the kitchen a bit--we're expecting company tomorrow afternoon. My husband had work today.

I paid $100 on the hospital bill, on-line, using my unemployment card. I didn't get a confirmation number, but then, it didn't come off the card, either. The morgage company sent a letter, saying that they hadn't received last month's payment.  That's still being covered by OSHI, as far as I know.  We've been turning in the paperwork.

The library had it's "Novel" event tonight, and I went to it.  Wealthy people go to events all the time, especially cultural ones, where there's food and drink.  The were little tiny slider sandwiches, chopped up fruit, some cheese (I took a chunk of brie), and stuffed mushrooms.  While I sitting on a chair, eating, one of the library staff came by.  She'd been on the interview committee the one and only time I'd been interviewed for a library job, and it was she who met with me afterwards at my request and informed me that I didn't come across as a "go-getter." 

I complimented her on the party, and she complimented me on the color of tee-shirt I was wearing.  I told her that she always looks stunning and the conversation went into flattery.  So now she'll probably pitch my application.

Everybody in Bend dresses out of their closet, which is to say that I wasn't dressed any worse than anyone else, except people who have my type of skin on their necks and the same amount of flab on my arms cover them up.  People wore blue jeans of different vintages, all worn, and very few women wore nice dresses.  One young woman wore a dressy outfit of different shades of silver and grey, including a scarf shawl that had shining silver threads running through it, and carried a silver pocketbook.  A child, probably about nine years old, wore a purple fedora and carried a classical Madi Gras clown mask, which he held in his hands and would hold up to his face as if to hide behind it.  (I guess he was a boy.)

I met a couple of people there, one I stood in line with,  Toni, who is involved with the Quiltworks, and a couple whose names I've seen around town--Blankenship.  They were now retired, and he wanted to sit while his wife went to the front to see what the book would be.  Afterwards, I met a woman who lives in my neighborhood and is also in the neighborhood association.

The book?  Rules of Civility.  The follow-up events will start in April, which gives most people time to read a copy before then.

It was very nice, to be in the library, in the evening, surrounded by so many people and so much cheerful energy.  It was very nice to return home, too.  My husband is still at work, and I still have more to do to get ready for tomorrow.

Today I decide to be wealthy.




Book of Mormon lesson:  Last night.  I was reading about the wars, the sons of Helaman, and thought about how to get out of my financial mess.  There was one group of soldiers who had gone off to 7escort prisoners, who returned in the nick of time to help turn the tide of a battle.  Alma 57:17.  Things didn't happen the way that they'd planned, but things turned out fine.  I hope that things will turn out fine for me too.

Day 40 Library application deadline was at 2 p.m.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I got the application in to the library for Materials Services Specialist, which is a fancy name for book shelver.  The job description included being able to twist, bend, reach up and lift up to 30 pounds and manipulate a two tier library cart.  I have been applying to the library for jobs ever since I was fired from Fred Meyer. It seems that there is a job opening every eight months or so.  I've had one interview, and the rest of the time, my applications result in a post card that says that the position has been filled.  This one, though, because of my more recent work experience, which involved twisting, bending, reaching up and lifting heavy materials, seemed made to order for me.

I didn't realize that the position would involve Sunday work, working during Sacrament meeting.

If I get the Touchmark job, I'll have worship time on Sunday, as they'd adjust the schedule, so they said, and if I work at Touchmark, there would be a wider variety of stuff to do, including sewing, shoveling sidewalks, etc.  I'd also be paid less.

Actually, all this is speculation, as I don't have an interview with the library (yet), and Touchmark hasn't called me back with a job offer.  And what if Touchmark offers me a job, and I take it, and the library calls me for an interview and there's a time conflict?   And what if Park and Rec calls with a job? (Preferably not the midnight to 6:30 a.m. one.)

Can I make things any more stressful in my imagination?  Will reality be as I imagine it, or worse?

Back to the library application.  I've had two weeks--two weeks--to work on it, and I was doing the resume and cover letter and application starting on the day before yesterday, and did the essays today.  My middle daughter called to say hi, and asked how I was doing, and I almost started crying because I was stressed out about the essays.  There are five questions about my experiences with customer service that have to be answered.  "Describe your experience, education and/or training in customer service."  "Give an example of an excellent customer service experience and one that was ineffective.  Explain why one was excellent and the other ineffective."  "Give examples that demonstrate your ability to work independently with minimal supervision." And there were two more.  She and the ward employment specialist helped me as I sent them copies on-line of what I was writing, and they proof-read and sent them back.  It took four hours to do the essays, not counting getting up at 2 a.m. to jot down some notes.  Why do I do this to myself, to wait so long?  I could have been doing them on Facebook with the girls and friends last week.

And then the printer started printing purple ribbons and streaks on the papers.  I had my two pages of essays, I needed one copy of each page for the application, and I prayed and got one copy each for each page, streak and ribbon free.

The application had a cover letter, resume, the application itself, and additional page of work experience, a signed approval for criminal background check (all which I had ready last night) and the two pages of essays.

I got the whole thing to the library office ten minutes before dead line. The receptionist went through the papers, saw what was there, said it was complete, and thanked me for bringing it in.

And then I wept with relief and gratitude on my drive home.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 39 Is everyone else in the same boat as I?

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I saw a legal notice in the back of The Source newspaper.  It was to announce the sale of a foreclosure, and I recognized the name.  His brother had married the sister of one of my husband's friends, and this man got us one of our mortgages, back some 15 or so years ago, when everyone was refinancing as the rates were bouncing around, and we got them when they were low.  Soon after the recession hit, I saw his name in a bankruptcy notice, and now he would be losing his house at auction on the courthouse steps.

Last night, I learned that a family I knew, who I thought had done everything right, were losing their house to foreclosure.  They live up in Seattle, and had kept the house here when he transferred, and they planned on selling it "when the market turns around and the prices go back up."  The family that's been renting it is looking for another place to move to. They can stay in it until it goes up for auction in a few months.

I went to store today, and saw some people I knew from when the girls were young.  The wife still has her job, but he's in the same boat as my husband.

Is it my imagination, or do most people in this town  have a tired, scared look in their eyes?

One of my former supervisors is still there at the store, supervising.  I remember when she was trying to get work at a bank, anything to get out of there.  She's still there, probably a few more years, 5 or 8, and she'll be able to retire.

I've been working on my library job application, which I should have had done last week.  Deadline is tomorrow.  I still have 5 essay questions to answer, although the cover letter, resume, application and background check papers are all done.

I'm concerned that I'll get a job call to substitute in the schools tomorrow.  This has to get in, if I'm to have any chance at working in the library.

I did walk a mile today, and did my yoga (which I think of as physical therapy).  My former supervisor called, to see if I'd be able to work graveyard at the Senior Center.  I said "yes," but I've been doing some more thinking about it, and I don't think it would work for me, getting there at 12:30 a.m. and then getting done at 6:30 a.m. in an empty building that's next to acres of empty woodland.   There'll  probably be something that opens before then. I hope.

Today I decide to be wealthy.