Showing posts with label gratitude. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gratitude. Show all posts

Thursday, May 25, 2017

The Seventh Season

The year is now 2017. I am in my seventh season at Parks and Recreation.  I am now vested in the Public Employee Retirement system.  I no longer for the schools as an educational assistant.  Given the deep and long-lasting snows of the winter, I was relieved not to have to worry about answering the phone.

Doug and I now live in an apartment.

Years ago, when this complex was being built, we would drive by, the joke was that when all went south, that's where we would moved to.  And here we are.  It has a nice lawn behind it, that we look over when we view the canal and the landscape out to the north, northwest to Awbrey Butte.  No windows look at our place, except for cars speeding by on the Parkway.  I've tried to look at our place when driving by, and all you can see is that the place exists, so we have privacy.  Inside, there are angles, as there were at the house, which is nice and comforting.  There's a porch for plants and the rocky horse that Lindsey bought long before I entered the family.  We are at the far end of the complex, where we can see our garage, and where few people drive.  The south windows look down on lawn and the parking lot and over to windows and porches of other buildings.  I've used the exercise room, visited with friends in the lounge, and swam in the pool.

The cats went to a friend's place, and she let them live there.  Toby never did go into the house, but hung around like a feral cat, keeping a schedule of showing up in the afternoon to eat, and eventually didn't show up any more.  I had a dream of him, which was so real, I could feel his weight in my arms, and I held him and petted him, and he turned his face to me, and I could see that he was dead.

Bobsworth died a few days after the dream.  Soon after the move there, he worked his way into the house, made himself at home, demanded to be pushed around on the floor while lying on his back. Bossy thing.  I saw him weekly.  When he died, he was found under the dining room table.  I got a cardboard box for his coffin and took him to the Humane Society.


My husband is working.  The company accommodates his physical limitations, and we have health insurance and are working on our savings.  I am very grateful for the Judsons and others who mentored his becoming an electrician.  The construction here in Bend is booming, and there is a shortage of skilled labor such as his, so we are hoping to get through this period of time okay.

My daughters became adults.  One has her master's degree, two are married, and the first grandchild is expected tomorrow.  One lives with her husband in Virginia, the other two live in Utah.  They are healthy and doing well.  Our mothers are still alive, still able to physically take care of themselves with some small assistance from our siblings who are there with them--driving them to appointments and such.

 I still have my medical bills, but they are down now to less than $3,000.  I anticipate having them all paid off by the July 31st paycheck. To celebrate, I will bring doughnuts to work, maybe a fruit tray too, and make sure that the trailer gets a box.

Some lunchtimes, I'm at Pine Nursery North, where there is a fishing pond.  I sit in my rig and watch the water as I eat.  Some days the water ripples a little, some days there's a breeze that makes crests that run across the surface, and some days the water looks flat and grey, reflecting the clouds, and some days it's blue and white, with an occasional splash from a fish.

We are in a good place. What more could I want, but this?  Today I am wealthy.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Post-season, November 2013

I've completed my third season as a custodian for the local parks district.  I'm still working winters, substituting in the schools, but I've had only two calls but they were while I was still cleaning restrooms.  I've completed my required coursework on identifying and reporting abuse, dealing with blood pathogens, and avoiding the appearance of being a child molester, so I've received my new tag, showing that I'm a official employee with the education service district until October 2014.

My husband is working, and has been working now for months.  When he was hired, he was told to expect just a few weeks.  One daughter now has a full-time, benefits paid job, complete with use of the company's gym and her own parking space, even though she lives close enough to walk to work.  Another daughter is in Boston today, at a conference.  She is getting her masters in public health and has some concerns of what she'll be doing for employment after school.  The third daughter is home, dealing with some issues and is currently unemployed while she figures out her next step.  The house is headed for foreclosure and my husband got his bankruptcy finalized.  The house is a mess and I'm home, dealing with it, although I'm doing a lousy job at it.

Both of our mothers are well and well off, as they have enough money for their needs and most of their wants.  They would both like to see us more, but here we are.  My husband sold two vehicles, bought another one and fixed it up so that it will run for many more miles and years.  His brother has a regular job now, and my siblings are well.  The dog died in December, 2012 and both cats are still alive.  Two houses are built next door to us, and it looks like a third is going in and places that were plotted out for houses five years ago are now having foundations poured, walls raised and "for sale" signs out in front, although no one knows where the buyers are coming from. The general economy of area is still poor, as yet another thrift store has opened.

I am reminded of what was said at one of my daughter's college commencement:  "Prosperity has nothing to do with money."

Sunday, April 15, 2012

sunday, 4.9

We sang, "If You Could Hie to Kolob" for the closing song in Relief Society.  I was very grateful for it, as I will not be in RS for another 5.5 months.

Monday, March 5, 2012

75 Money to pay bills

My husband had enough work to pay his business creditors and to pay our bills and still have some in reserve!

I read today about the poorhouses in England, the whys and the wherefores.  I am so grateful to live in this day and age.

I paid the tithing and fast offerings yesterday.  My husband and I give a ride to a man who lives in a trailer park, and was going to be evicted if he didn't pay the rent.  After church, he told my husband that the church is helping him to stay another month.  My husband gave him $10 for the laundry machine, and the woman who we also gave a ride home offered to help him with his laundry, and would send her husband to help him get to her house.  I hope things improve for him.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

74 I need to focus

I spent time writing, housework, shopping, and visiting Helen. Her memory is pretty much shot, and she no longer remembers that I go to the same church she does. She just remembers that she's glad to see me, and I'm glad for that. 

I am fasting, as tomorrow is Fast Sunday, yet I don't know what to fast for, what personal need is the most pressing.  I suppose it is to use my time better, to have a way to see Sarah's graduation, now that gas is almost $4 a gallon.

I did get my three job applications for the week done.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

54 Today is Thursday

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I did stair laps today, to get my heart rate up.  I did some laundry.  I did dishes.  I looked at the computer. I got a notice back for NeighborImpact that my documents have been sent to the state for verification.  I wrote a newsletter article. I stayed inside the house, except when I went to put gas in the car.  I got a bill from the doctor's office, for going in to have my heart listened to, my blood pressure taken,  and to be sent to get my blood tested at another place, which still charged me money.

Money.  I have no idea how to pay all of my bills.  My husband has some work, but when will he be paid?  I have work, and I will be paid next month, while my unemployment takes a hit.  I don't want anymore taken out of the 401(k) account.

It's day 54. Six more days to go to the magical 60 that the book set out as a goal, that perhaps things would be different.

I'll probably continue this blog.

My depression seems to get worse each day. I am grateful for food to eat, for my bed that I sleep in, that I am still in my house, and have gas for my car.  I am trying not to imagine the future, but to stay here in the present.  My youngest daughter sent me a note through Facebook, telling me that she loves me and her father, my husband.  I played the keyboard today.  Tomorrow I have work for a few hours. I feel sorry for the people freezing in Afghanistan.  I feel bad for the people of Cambodia, not having their day in court.

I had made a "to do" list, and I did accomplish a couple of items on it.  Maybe tomorrow will be one of accomplishments.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

50 Sunday is for start-overs

Today I decide to be wealthy.

While cleaning out the sewing room yesterday, I rediscovered a book I'd read over a year ago:  The Job Hunter's Survival Guide, by Dick Bolles.  He puts out an annual job hunting guide, entitled What Color is Your Parachute? which I bought a copy of, and read it, years and years ago. I'll reread it this week. The book is a how-to guide for looking for work in this specific recession where jobs are so scarce and job hunters so plentiful.

Today is Sunday, always a "start over" day, a way to rest and prepare for the next six days.

Shea announced in Fast and Testimony Meeting that she's lost her job.  I almost started crying for her, and I talked to her later.  She's relieved, as the political pressure was so heavy there. When I'd applied last spring, she called to warn me that it was not a healthy place. She seems to be a few years old than I. don't dye my hair, so everyone sees how old I am, but most other people are determined to stay with the color, thank you very much.

On the way home from church, I pointed out the place I'd applied for the housekeeping job, and that I blew it when I admitted to looking for full-time work.  June was with me in the car, and said that she'd be surprised if any jobs were full-time anymore. She told me how she'd talked to a banker some years ago, and he admitted that the jobs were all at 30 hours, so that they wouldn't have to have benefits.  She scolded him, but that's as far as it went.

I got set apart for my calling in the Relief Society, to be a visiting teaching coordinator.  In the blessing I was reminded that the Lord knows my challenges, and that fulfilling my calling would bring spiritual and physical benefits, and there was more. Basically, I'll be made aware of the needs of the sisters in the ward, and reminded that mine are small compared to others.

Decades ago, I had a blessing that told me that I think my sufferings are great, but the Savior's was far greater.   I was reminded of that blessing today.  The one who gave me that one died some time ago, but his spirit still visits me from time to time, sometimes to encourage me, sometime to call me to repentance. I wondered if he was there in the circle.

I had signed up a couple of weeks ago for the missionaries to come for dinner.  My husband was working on a service call, so they couldn't come here. I was very grateful that I had the stuff to make a broccoli and chicken cream soup, which I took over to the West's, where they would be able to pick it up.

Tomorrow I will do more, do better.

Today I decide to be wealthy.








49 Another step

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Finished reading "Children of Cambodia's Killing Fields." I noticed in the biographies that a number have lost their U.S. employment, too, so it's not just me.  It's too bad that, after everything that they've gone through, that it isn't all peaches and cream for them from now on. (Or mangoes and rice milk. My college associates from Asia didn't like cows milk.)

I read another article in the Bulletin newspaper about meditation, and how the subject makes ten minutes a day for it. The article reminded me of the need to just be still and listen when I pray.    Doctrine and Covenants 112:10: "Be thou humble; and the Lord thy God shall lead thee by the hand, and give thee answer to thy prayers. And  Psalm 46:10: "Be still, and know that I am God


So that is what I'll do this week. I'm grateful for the time this week to go through papers and get the mortgage verification papers pulled together, as I had to go through a lot of papers to find it.  

There are only eleven days left of the sixty.  I'll probably keep blogging.


Today I decide to be wealthy.


Thursday, February 2, 2012

47 Paperwork fills the day

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Today I worked on finding and making copies of the documents I need for NeighborImpact's verification for us to be able to stay in the house a bit longer. I went to the library and to the copy shop.  I also went to a gym to find out about fees, and one of the companies I applied to on-line had a job come open here, and I needed to go to the library and use a computer to update/complete the job application.

Right now, I appreciate not having an outside job, as I'm able to work on the verification documents.

I found all but four of them, which are dated the same two months, so I suspect that they're together, in some strata of papers from January and February.

Bedtime now. I'll look tomorrow.

Today I decide to be wealthy.


Monday, January 30, 2012

Day 44 What is needed

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I had a hard time getting started today.  I just waste so much time.

At 2:00 Linda and I went visiting teaching to a young wife and mother we've been with for a while.  Linda has been with her for a lot longer time.  We got there as she and her husband were having a fight--he'd been drinking, and, worse, was denying it.  I listened to him for a while, and suggested bringing back a pizza when we returned.

We took her to a restaurant, where Linda bought some appetizers and let her talk.  Linda gently reminded her that he was a good man, and that alcoholism is a hard thing, and that she knew he had the problem when they first got together.  She also suggested that she come back to church, and that he go to  the 12-step meetings.  There were some other family needs--a couch needed to be taken to the dump, stuff to Goodwill, and a stray cat to the Humane Society.

We went to the pizza place.  I didn't have any coupons to save a couple of dollars.  I took out my unemployment card, and thought about how all the money in the world is God's, and that I was given money to help others. And I bought the pizza,and we took her back to her apartment.  Her husband was apparently in one of the bedrooms, watching television.  We got the stuff that needed to go to Goodwill, hugged, made arrangements for Saturday, and left.  So lesson #5 was put into action today
On the way home, I bought some sour cream and after I got home, made some cookies for June, who had invited my husband and I over for dinner.  Doug ended up working in Prineville for a while longer, and missed the dinner.

Doug said that Bank of America had sent us a 1099, for $6,000, and that we were going to have to pay taxes on it, of about $2,000, and that if I had agreed to declare bankruptcy back then, we wouldn't even have had to pay taxes.  I thought about how if we'd declared bankruptcy, we probably wouldn't be in the house right now.  He was going to take money out of our 401(k) again, but I suggested that the government does take payments.  I reminded him that we didn't declare bankruptcy as we had no assets to protect.  I remembered later that if we have cancer or something drastic health-wise, we'd be stuck.

Tonight is Antiques Roadshow.  We'll watch it, as it was done in Eugene, Oregon, and see all the stuff that people have and how valuable it is, and daydream what could have been done if we'd had the money instead.

When I read the Book of Mormon last night, I just opened it at random and saw this:


Behold, could ye suppose that ye could sit upon your thrones, and because of the exceeding goodness of God ye could do nothing and he would deliver you? Behold, if ye have supposed this ye have supposed in vain.  (Alma 60:11)


So I felt like a slug after I read it, and thought of it this morning while I waited for the phone to ring with an interview or a job offer.  I felt, though, visiting the young woman, that I was supposed to be there today.

Later in the day, a former coworker at Freddy's, who has been having her own employment misadventures, posted this on Facebook:

“One of the most poisonous of all Satan’s whispers is simply, “Things will never change.” That lie kills expectation, trapping our heart forever in the present. To keep desire alive and flourishing, we must renew our vision for what lies ahead. Things will not always be like this. Jesus has promised to “make all things new.” Eye has not seen, ear has not heard all that God has in store for his lovers, which does not mean “we have no clue so don’t even try to imagine,” but rather, you cannot out-dream God. Desire is kept alive by imagination, the antidote to resignation. We will need imagination, which is to say, we will need hope. 

Today I decide to be wealthy.




Thursday, January 26, 2012

Day 40 Library application deadline was at 2 p.m.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I got the application in to the library for Materials Services Specialist, which is a fancy name for book shelver.  The job description included being able to twist, bend, reach up and lift up to 30 pounds and manipulate a two tier library cart.  I have been applying to the library for jobs ever since I was fired from Fred Meyer. It seems that there is a job opening every eight months or so.  I've had one interview, and the rest of the time, my applications result in a post card that says that the position has been filled.  This one, though, because of my more recent work experience, which involved twisting, bending, reaching up and lifting heavy materials, seemed made to order for me.

I didn't realize that the position would involve Sunday work, working during Sacrament meeting.

If I get the Touchmark job, I'll have worship time on Sunday, as they'd adjust the schedule, so they said, and if I work at Touchmark, there would be a wider variety of stuff to do, including sewing, shoveling sidewalks, etc.  I'd also be paid less.

Actually, all this is speculation, as I don't have an interview with the library (yet), and Touchmark hasn't called me back with a job offer.  And what if Touchmark offers me a job, and I take it, and the library calls me for an interview and there's a time conflict?   And what if Park and Rec calls with a job? (Preferably not the midnight to 6:30 a.m. one.)

Can I make things any more stressful in my imagination?  Will reality be as I imagine it, or worse?

Back to the library application.  I've had two weeks--two weeks--to work on it, and I was doing the resume and cover letter and application starting on the day before yesterday, and did the essays today.  My middle daughter called to say hi, and asked how I was doing, and I almost started crying because I was stressed out about the essays.  There are five questions about my experiences with customer service that have to be answered.  "Describe your experience, education and/or training in customer service."  "Give an example of an excellent customer service experience and one that was ineffective.  Explain why one was excellent and the other ineffective."  "Give examples that demonstrate your ability to work independently with minimal supervision." And there were two more.  She and the ward employment specialist helped me as I sent them copies on-line of what I was writing, and they proof-read and sent them back.  It took four hours to do the essays, not counting getting up at 2 a.m. to jot down some notes.  Why do I do this to myself, to wait so long?  I could have been doing them on Facebook with the girls and friends last week.

And then the printer started printing purple ribbons and streaks on the papers.  I had my two pages of essays, I needed one copy of each page for the application, and I prayed and got one copy each for each page, streak and ribbon free.

The application had a cover letter, resume, the application itself, and additional page of work experience, a signed approval for criminal background check (all which I had ready last night) and the two pages of essays.

I got the whole thing to the library office ten minutes before dead line. The receptionist went through the papers, saw what was there, said it was complete, and thanked me for bringing it in.

And then I wept with relief and gratitude on my drive home.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Day 36. The Greatest Saleman in the World

Today I decide to be wealthy.

After yesterday's rant, I feel better.  I went to Sacrament Meeting, and enjoyed being there, knowing that if I have another job that requires week-end work, that it will be a while before I'd be able to be there again. I love being in Sacrament Meeting, and being able to take the Sacrament, and to sit with my husband, and know that my children are also at Sacrament Meeting, wherever they are.  I like feeling the fellowship around me, and to know that I'm part of something that goes back to other times, and other places, including sitting with my grandmother in her ward's meetings, and how happy she was that I was with her, and how proud she was of me.

In Relief Society, I went ahead and signed up for cookie donations for the blood drive and to have the missionaries over for dinner on February's Fast Sunday.  I'll make something ahead, like macaroni and cheese, and have some broccoli to go with it.  Linda Rau and I decided to go visiting teaching tomorrow. I paid tithing.  And I just stayed in the moment.  I didn't worry, but I did pray that I'll be able to pay off my medical bills.  I didn't feel stressed or panicky when I prayed it.

I saw Wendy after church, and thanked her for her Sacrament talk last year, and how I tried what she suggested, and the good results I got from following her direction.  She was happy for me, and glad that it helped me.

We had pot roast for dinner.  It was from the Bishop's Storehouse, in December or November.  I'm glad to have food in the house, and to have a house to eat and sleep in.  I feel wealthy.

Later tonight, my middle daughter called and told me about her not-so-great time at school.  She's a senior in a ward full of freshmen, and everyone is a bit disorganized, so she hasn't been able to work with a committee.  She has a rather negative attitude about the people around her, that everyone is "dumb."  Unfortunately, she's had the attitude for a long time.

I'm reminded of a book I read when I was a bit older that she is now.  It was "The World's Greatest Salesman," by  Og Mandino.  There was one part that sort of stuck with me, probably about the only one I used, and that was to think, "I love you," to people when I met them.  Don't say it, just think it.
I've got to figure a way to suggest it to her, so she'll want to try it.

I'm going to send her cards, too, while she's there, to encourage her.  I've talked to her about seeing a counselor, but she's heard other counselors gossip about the people they're supposed to be helping, so she's not going to, as she doesn't want that to happen to her.

I haven't worked on my books today, or on my computer area.  There is still time in this day to do something good.

Today I decide to be wealthy.


Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Day 32

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I woke up at 5 a.m., and thought about how I used to get up at that time to help my daughters get ready for seminary, and sometimes I drove them to the church for their classes, and stayed and drove them to high school.  I thought, too, that if I had a job, I'd probably be getting up at 5.  I wondered how many times I had to be to work at Fred Meyer, to open the store in the morning.  I used to get phone calls, to ask me to substitute at a school; I laid awake for a bit, listening for a call, but none came.  After a bit, I went back to sleep. 

I know that I need nine hours of sleep, so for me to get up in the early morning with any brains, I need to be in bed by about nine o'clock.

As much as I'm tired of living hand to mouth, I don't miss going to work in the cold, the dark and the snow.

So the storm went on.  I didn't work on finding a job today.  I helped clear snow from the driveway, and then went into town with my husband to run some errands, and then fixed dinner for a neighbor, whose wife died almost two years ago, and whose daughter died in October.  I had thought about having him and his wife over for dinner when she was alive, and then him and his daughter while she was alive, and now--finally!--I followed through on my good intentions.  He may be moving this summer.  He will most likely be losing his house, and will have to live with relatives in California.  I remember when his wife bought the property next door, intending for one of their children to build a house on it, and how they got the property their house is on through an inheritance from her grandmother, and when the house was built.  The house stores stuff that his mother-in-law left when she died, when his sister-in-law died, when his wife died, and when his daughter was killed.

"I've got to get my life down into a shoe box," he said.

After he left, I went over the messages my daughters sent me on Facebook.

Today I decide to be wealthy.


Monday, January 2, 2012

Day 16

Today I decide to be wealthy.

The girls left early this morning.  There wasn't the drama and friction as there had been on other mornings.  The trunk was smoothly packed, the Harry Potter tapes were in place, and the girls were ready to go.

I'm so grateful for Aunt Priscilla's gift to Rachel, that she has a car to transport her sisters and to get to her work, and to be able to go to places wherever she's at, like Yellowstone.  We couldn't have gotten any one of them one, due to our economic mess. 

But here we are.  We still have a house to live in (thanks to government grant), and food to eat (thanks to church's fast offerings), and electricity and water and utilities (thanks to Christmas money from my mother-in-law), and car insurance (thanks to Doug having had work).

I am so rich in so many ways--now I need to get finances (a job) so that we can give back, and have health insurance and a steady source of income.

Today I decide to be wealthy.