59 A lull in the storm

Today I decided to be wealthy.

I went through my various unemployment debit cards and bank account and was a bit happier than I was before. (Lesson #2--Take responsibility for your money.)  My husband continues to get service calls, so it looks like this month we'll pull through.

I got two applications done, one handed in, and the other one proof-read. I also got a phone call to see if I'd be able to substitute again next week, for two days.

I should have had both done yesterday, and handed in then, just because sometimes, time is a factor in the decision to hire. I still have the Park and Rec one to do.

And I got the official brush off from the library; it came in my email this time. Save them the trouble of mailing out a card.

I looked on the internet about the air scent company; it looks like a good company, but one that I would expect the owner to save more money by doing the stuff himself.  I haven't called back--I don't trust something about it.  I need to talk to Tina (the one who recommended me) about it.

Today I decided to be wealthy.

Day 58 Panic in slow motion

Today I decide to be wealthy.

This is day 58. I was hoping by now to have a sense of a floor under me.  That I'd have a job, that debts would be reduced, that there would be some light at the end of the tunnel and that it wouldn't be another train heading toward me.)

I spent the day wringing my hands over job applications, and did not get any submitted.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

54 Today is Thursday

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I did stair laps today, to get my heart rate up.  I did some laundry.  I did dishes.  I looked at the computer. I got a notice back for NeighborImpact that my documents have been sent to the state for verification.  I wrote a newsletter article. I stayed inside the house, except when I went to put gas in the car.  I got a bill from the doctor's office, for going in to have my heart listened to, my blood pressure taken,  and to be sent to get my blood tested at another place, which still charged me money.

Money.  I have no idea how to pay all of my bills.  My husband has some work, but when will he be paid?  I have work, and I will be paid next month, while my unemployment takes a hit.  I don't want anymore taken out of the 401(k) account.

It's day 54. Six more days to go to the magical 60 that the book set out as a goal, that perhaps things would be different.

I'll probably continue this blog.

My depression seems to get worse each day. I am grateful for food to eat, for my bed that I sleep in, that I am still in my house, and have gas for my car.  I am trying not to imagine the future, but to stay here in the present.  My youngest daughter sent me a note through Facebook, telling me that she loves me and her father, my husband.  I played the keyboard today.  Tomorrow I have work for a few hours. I feel sorry for the people freezing in Afghanistan.  I feel bad for the people of Cambodia, not having their day in court.

I had made a "to do" list, and I did accomplish a couple of items on it.  Maybe tomorrow will be one of accomplishments.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 39 Is everyone else in the same boat as I?

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I saw a legal notice in the back of The Source newspaper.  It was to announce the sale of a foreclosure, and I recognized the name.  His brother had married the sister of one of my husband's friends, and this man got us one of our mortgages, back some 15 or so years ago, when everyone was refinancing as the rates were bouncing around, and we got them when they were low.  Soon after the recession hit, I saw his name in a bankruptcy notice, and now he would be losing his house at auction on the courthouse steps.

Last night, I learned that a family I knew, who I thought had done everything right, were losing their house to foreclosure.  They live up in Seattle, and had kept the house here when he transferred, and they planned on selling it "when the market turns around and the prices go back up."  The family that's been renting it is looking for another place to move to. They can stay in it until it goes up for auction in a few months.

I went to store today, and saw some people I knew from when the girls were young.  The wife still has her job, but he's in the same boat as my husband.

Is it my imagination, or do most people in this town  have a tired, scared look in their eyes?

One of my former supervisors is still there at the store, supervising.  I remember when she was trying to get work at a bank, anything to get out of there.  She's still there, probably a few more years, 5 or 8, and she'll be able to retire.

I've been working on my library job application, which I should have had done last week.  Deadline is tomorrow.  I still have 5 essay questions to answer, although the cover letter, resume, application and background check papers are all done.

I'm concerned that I'll get a job call to substitute in the schools tomorrow.  This has to get in, if I'm to have any chance at working in the library.

I did walk a mile today, and did my yoga (which I think of as physical therapy).  My former supervisor called, to see if I'd be able to work graveyard at the Senior Center.  I said "yes," but I've been doing some more thinking about it, and I don't think it would work for me, getting there at 12:30 a.m. and then getting done at 6:30 a.m. in an empty building that's next to acres of empty woodland.   There'll  probably be something that opens before then. I hope.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 27

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Last night I was up until 3 a.m. working on papers needed to continue our participation in a government program.  This is how we are still in our house--we qualified for a program that "loans" us our mortgage for a year.  It seems that there are new requirements from time to time. 

I am afraid of making a mistake that will cause us to lose the program, and our home, and where will we stay then?  These are papers about budgeting; I should have been doing this 20, even 30 years ago, but the same problems then are the same now: There is no regular income.  And there is no line for tithing on the paper.  (The church has given us food and cleaning supplies and Christmas gift cards.)

We got the papers in, apparently at the same time someone was calling our house in a panic to tell us to get them in.  I'd already talked with the NeighborImpact worker on Tuesday, and he said no worries, just get them in by Friday.  So I procrastinated and did my unemployment resign in and housework instead.  I even did my yoga and exercises in the evening.  (Why do I have such a hard time doing them, when I feel so good afterwards?)

After dropping the papers off at Worksource, we went to Sisters, and Doug changed a lightbulb that was on top of a very tall light pole, and he did a few other things around the building.  The owner is one of our first customers, and we've had him for at least 10 years. 

Tomorrow will be spent sending out letters and applications for the week.  I remind myself that the more I send out, the greater the chances of someone helping me to connect with a job that I will succeed in.

My mother-in-law called, and let us know that she is sending us some money, and is sending some to the girls too.  (I wept after I gave the phone to my husband.) So the bills will be paid in January, while I continue to look for work.  My unemployment amount will be way less than it has been, and I will not receive anything for my so-called "waiting week," which is a week where one waits to see if the last employer will call with another job--as if!

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 25

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Not much to report today.  Got some minor clothing mending for some friends of mine and I opened up "Writer's Market" for 2010 that I checked out of the library a couple of weeks ago.

Step #3 is to "Win in the Margins," to find some talent or skill or idea that can be used for a profit.  The book had some women who were in financial duress when they came up with the ideas that made them their fame and fortunes.

When I applied for unemployment, I had to go to a workshop about using the career finding resources, and I and two others were called out at the end, and we met with someone who talked to us about creating our own businesses.  I asked about what if I became a writer, and that was immediately shot down.  Which is probably just as well, as I haven't even finished two of my fanfiction books.

Today I saw the guy I blame for the mess we're in. I blame him when I'm not blaming myself for taking his idiotic, abusive financial crap paper and throwing it into the fireplace when I first laid eyes on it.


So, anyway, I dropped in at the Goodwill thrift store, to check on some art supplies that I find there from time to time, and there he was, in the book section.  He hadn't seen me, we didn't make eye contact, so I kept going through the store to get to the fabric section.  (I want to make some steampunk clothing and some other stuff), and there was his third wife, cheerfully going through the clothing.  I said hi, but she either didn't hear me or ignored me, and I kept going.  I did a quick check of table linens and picture frames, and then the yarn area, and then headed out the door.  As I left, I saw that he had his back turned to the door.

I don't think things are going any better than for him.  And the scriptures and the prophets say that I need to pray for him to receive the same blessings that I want for myself.  I wish that I could just let it go, and get on with my life.  It seems that almost every dayI have to deal with it again.

Forgiveness is a process.  Just like some people can have cancer and be instantly healed, and others have to keep working at healing. 

Anyway, today was supposed to be about step #3.  I still have yet to find my pay stubs from my October and November job and reopen my unemployment claim.  Now I'll get off the computer, finish putting in the zipper on the jacket, and go through the papers and find the pay stubs that I know are in there, as I just put them in the box a week ago.

I haven't been exercising, and I've been over-eating.  Wealthy people take care of their health.  I did send off the COBRA payments for the dental and eye glasses insurances.  Haven't paid any other bills for this month, yet.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 19

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I saw a posting for a housekeeper at Touchmark, so I went and got a resume and a cover letter and got dressed as for an interview and went up there.

Mistake:  I didn't take a copy of a filled-out job application with me, nor a pen.  The receptionist didn't take the resume, but she did give me an application and told me I could fill it out it the seating are.  So I had to borrow a pen and the phone book, and I couldn't get anything useful from the phone book, and then the receptionist told me that I could fill it out at home and bring it in later.

And I've worked on the newsletter, and went to check on a sewing machine that a friend asked me to look at, and fixed dinner and did an interview, and I still haven't done the thing my youngest daughter asked me to do this morning, to find some car insurance info for her.  I'm so sorry that I've let her down again.  It's past 10, I still don't have the last newsletter article written, either.

I don't know if I've another tier left on my unemployment.  The tier I'm on now made its last payment today.

Today I decide to be wealthy.