Day 45 Today was a blank

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Today I stayed home and did very little. I found my unemployment checks, discovered that my retirement account at TRG was closed. ($22 check. I only put in money with a couple of paychecks, and got it all back, plus a couple of dollars.) The unemployment checks are going to pay my hospital bill and my eye and dental insurance. The pension check, for tithing.

I worked a little on the book. Still, not a profitable day.

Tomorrow I will work at doing better, doing more.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 44 What is needed

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I had a hard time getting started today.  I just waste so much time.

At 2:00 Linda and I went visiting teaching to a young wife and mother we've been with for a while.  Linda has been with her for a lot longer time.  We got there as she and her husband were having a fight--he'd been drinking, and, worse, was denying it.  I listened to him for a while, and suggested bringing back a pizza when we returned.

We took her to a restaurant, where Linda bought some appetizers and let her talk.  Linda gently reminded her that he was a good man, and that alcoholism is a hard thing, and that she knew he had the problem when they first got together.  She also suggested that she come back to church, and that he go to  the 12-step meetings.  There were some other family needs--a couch needed to be taken to the dump, stuff to Goodwill, and a stray cat to the Humane Society.

We went to the pizza place.  I didn't have any coupons to save a couple of dollars.  I took out my unemployment card, and thought about how all the money in the world is God's, and that I was given money to help others. And I bought the pizza,and we took her back to her apartment.  Her husband was apparently in one of the bedrooms, watching television.  We got the stuff that needed to go to Goodwill, hugged, made arrangements for Saturday, and left.  So lesson #5 was put into action today

On the way home, I bought some sour cream and after I got home, made some cookies for June, who had invited my husband and I over for dinner.  Doug ended up working in Prineville for a while longer, and missed the dinner.

Doug said that Bank of America had sent us a 1099, for $6,000, and that we were going to have to pay taxes on it, of about $2,000, and that if I had agreed to declare bankruptcy back then, we wouldn't even have had to pay taxes.  I thought about how if we'd declared bankruptcy, we probably wouldn't be in the house right now.  He was going to take money out of our 401(k) again, but I suggested that the government does take payments.  I reminded him that we didn't declare bankruptcy as we had no assets to protect.  I remembered later that if we have cancer or something drastic health-wise, we'd be stuck.

Tonight is Antiques Roadshow.  We'll watch it, as it was done in Eugene, Oregon, and see all the stuff that people have and how valuable it is, and daydream what could have been done if we'd had the money instead.

When I read the Book of Mormon last night, I just opened it at random and saw this:


Behold, could ye suppose that ye could sit upon your thrones, and because of the exceeding goodness of God ye could do nothing and he would deliver you? Behold, if ye have supposed this ye have supposed in vain.  (Alma 60:11)


So I felt like a slug after I read it, and thought of it this morning while I waited for the phone to ring with an interview or a job offer.  I felt, though, visiting the young woman, that I was supposed to be there today.

Later in the day, a former coworker at Freddy's, who has been having her own employment misadventures, posted this on Facebook:

“One of the most poisonous of all Satan’s whispers is simply, “Things will never change.” That lie kills expectation, trapping our heart forever in the present. To keep desire alive and flourishing, we must renew our vision for what lies ahead. Things will not always be like this. Jesus has promised to “make all things new.” Eye has not seen, ear has not heard all that God has in store for his lovers, which does not mean “we have no clue so don’t even try to imagine,” but rather, you cannot out-dream God. Desire is kept alive by imagination, the antidote to resignation. We will need imagination, which is to say, we will need hope. 

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 43 Looking out around me

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Our friends went to church with us, and left after Sacrament meeting.  I have a church calling now, to help with visiting teaching as a supervisor.

It was Book of Mormon day in all three meetings.  The part that I want to hold onto the rest of the week is that the Lord will prepare the way for those who keep--or seek--to keep his commandments.

And I appreciate again the reminder that the current unemployment/underemployment is an affliction going on in the world, and not a character flaw on my part.  Though I have a lot of characters flaws and thought on them today.

Pam had an interesting story during Sunday School class, about the little things that we sometimes have to encourage us.  She was a single mom, divorced, with two teenagers she was raising, and barely making it financially.  She got engaged to Jim, divorced man in the church, with his kids, retired businessman.  And she found a picture of some lace in a bridal magazine that she would have liked for her wedding dress, but knew that she'd never be able to find it out on this side of the continent, and that she'd never be able to afford it.  She found it in a store that she rarely shops, and some celebrity had ordered a surplus for her outfit, paid for it, and the remainder was on sale, so Pam had it for her wedding dress.  

I had a similar thing happen, when I went to University of Oregon.  While I was in high school, we had "The Apollo of Bellac" in one of my English classes, and I liked the play and I wished I could be in it, playing Theresa.  I was in the cafeteria line at college, and saw the open audition flyer.  I thoroughly enjoyed auditioning for the role, nailed it, got complimented by my co-auditioner, but didn't get the part.  I did perform in it, and enjoyed it very much.

Our neighbors had us over for meatloaf tonight.  It was a very nice dinner, cozy and comfortable.  I tried to stay focused in the present, as the cars went by on the night street in the rainy dark.  I didn't want to think about us having to move away.

I watched and read a talk the author J.K.Rowlings gave, about her time of poverty, and what she learned from it. I need to reread it, as I felt that I only touched the very outer part, and have yet to incorporate any part of it in my being.   http://harvardmagazine.com/2008/06/the-fringe-benefits-failure-the-importance-imagination

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 43 Not skiing

Today I decide to be wealthy.

There was a night ski special today, and I went to it, but I stayed in the lodge and read a book while friends and my husband skied.  I don't have any insurance to cover me if I fell and broke my leg, and I'm not that experienced on skis.  (Last time I went, I had trouble getting off the chair lift, and it had to be stopped almost every time.)

So I read a novel about a girl who was a refugee from Viet Nam who moved to Alabama.  The scene outside the windows was very lovely, and skiers commented on how icy the snow was.


We have friends staying the night.  Being able to have friends stay comfortable in your home is a very  nice.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 41 Tonight I went to an event

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I didn't get much sleep last night.  I snore, and that keeps my husband awake who then keeps me awake, and finally I went down and tried to sleep on the futon couch, and had a cat keeping me awake.  I tried putting it outside, but the other one came in, so I was exchanging one for the other.

I went to the school and shelved books for a short while, and got a few groceries, cleaned up the kitchen a bit--we're expecting company tomorrow afternoon. My husband had work today.

I paid $100 on the hospital bill, on-line, using my unemployment card. I didn't get a confirmation number, but then, it didn't come off the card, either. The morgage company sent a letter, saying that they hadn't received last month's payment.  That's still being covered by OSHI, as far as I know.  We've been turning in the paperwork.

The library had it's "Novel" event tonight, and I went to it.  Wealthy people go to events all the time, especially cultural ones, where there's food and drink.  The were little tiny slider sandwiches, chopped up fruit, some cheese (I took a chunk of brie), and stuffed mushrooms.  While I sitting on a chair, eating, one of the library staff came by.  She'd been on the interview committee the one and only time I'd been interviewed for a library job, and it was she who met with me afterwards at my request and informed me that I didn't come across as a "go-getter." 

I complimented her on the party, and she complimented me on the color of tee-shirt I was wearing.  I told her that she always looks stunning and the conversation went into flattery.  So now she'll probably pitch my application.

Everybody in Bend dresses out of their closet, which is to say that I wasn't dressed any worse than anyone else, except people who have my type of skin on their necks and the same amount of flab on my arms cover them up.  People wore blue jeans of different vintages, all worn, and very few women wore nice dresses.  One young woman wore a dressy outfit of different shades of silver and grey, including a scarf shawl that had shining silver threads running through it, and carried a silver pocketbook.  A child, probably about nine years old, wore a purple fedora and carried a classical Madi Gras clown mask, which he held in his hands and would hold up to his face as if to hide behind it.  (I guess he was a boy.)

I met a couple of people there, one I stood in line with,  Toni, who is involved with the Quiltworks, and a couple whose names I've seen around town--Blankenship.  They were now retired, and he wanted to sit while his wife went to the front to see what the book would be.  Afterwards, I met a woman who lives in my neighborhood and is also in the neighborhood association.

The book?  Rules of Civility.  The follow-up events will start in April, which gives most people time to read a copy before then.

It was very nice, to be in the library, in the evening, surrounded by so many people and so much cheerful energy.  It was very nice to return home, too.  My husband is still at work, and I still have more to do to get ready for tomorrow.

Today I decide to be wealthy.




Book of Mormon lesson:  Last night.  I was reading about the wars, the sons of Helaman, and thought about how to get out of my financial mess.  There was one group of soldiers who had gone off to 7escort prisoners, who returned in the nick of time to help turn the tide of a battle.  Alma 57:17.  Things didn't happen the way that they'd planned, but things turned out fine.  I hope that things will turn out fine for me too.

Day 40 Library application deadline was at 2 p.m.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I got the application in to the library for Materials Services Specialist, which is a fancy name for book shelver.  The job description included being able to twist, bend, reach up and lift up to 30 pounds and manipulate a two tier library cart.  I have been applying to the library for jobs ever since I was fired from Fred Meyer. It seems that there is a job opening every eight months or so.  I've had one interview, and the rest of the time, my applications result in a post card that says that the position has been filled.  This one, though, because of my more recent work experience, which involved twisting, bending, reaching up and lifting heavy materials, seemed made to order for me.

I didn't realize that the position would involve Sunday work, working during Sacrament meeting.

If I get the Touchmark job, I'll have worship time on Sunday, as they'd adjust the schedule, so they said, and if I work at Touchmark, there would be a wider variety of stuff to do, including sewing, shoveling sidewalks, etc.  I'd also be paid less.

Actually, all this is speculation, as I don't have an interview with the library (yet), and Touchmark hasn't called me back with a job offer.  And what if Touchmark offers me a job, and I take it, and the library calls me for an interview and there's a time conflict?   And what if Park and Rec calls with a job? (Preferably not the midnight to 6:30 a.m. one.)

Can I make things any more stressful in my imagination?  Will reality be as I imagine it, or worse?

Back to the library application.  I've had two weeks--two weeks--to work on it, and I was doing the resume and cover letter and application starting on the day before yesterday, and did the essays today.  My middle daughter called to say hi, and asked how I was doing, and I almost started crying because I was stressed out about the essays.  There are five questions about my experiences with customer service that have to be answered.  "Describe your experience, education and/or training in customer service."  "Give an example of an excellent customer service experience and one that was ineffective.  Explain why one was excellent and the other ineffective."  "Give examples that demonstrate your ability to work independently with minimal supervision." And there were two more.  She and the ward employment specialist helped me as I sent them copies on-line of what I was writing, and they proof-read and sent them back.  It took four hours to do the essays, not counting getting up at 2 a.m. to jot down some notes.  Why do I do this to myself, to wait so long?  I could have been doing them on Facebook with the girls and friends last week.

And then the printer started printing purple ribbons and streaks on the papers.  I had my two pages of essays, I needed one copy of each page for the application, and I prayed and got one copy each for each page, streak and ribbon free.

The application had a cover letter, resume, the application itself, and additional page of work experience, a signed approval for criminal background check (all which I had ready last night) and the two pages of essays.

I got the whole thing to the library office ten minutes before dead line. The receptionist went through the papers, saw what was there, said it was complete, and thanked me for bringing it in.

And then I wept with relief and gratitude on my drive home.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 39 Is everyone else in the same boat as I?

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I saw a legal notice in the back of The Source newspaper.  It was to announce the sale of a foreclosure, and I recognized the name.  His brother had married the sister of one of my husband's friends, and this man got us one of our mortgages, back some 15 or so years ago, when everyone was refinancing as the rates were bouncing around, and we got them when they were low.  Soon after the recession hit, I saw his name in a bankruptcy notice, and now he would be losing his house at auction on the courthouse steps.

Last night, I learned that a family I knew, who I thought had done everything right, were losing their house to foreclosure.  They live up in Seattle, and had kept the house here when he transferred, and they planned on selling it "when the market turns around and the prices go back up."  The family that's been renting it is looking for another place to move to. They can stay in it until it goes up for auction in a few months.

I went to store today, and saw some people I knew from when the girls were young.  The wife still has her job, but he's in the same boat as my husband.

Is it my imagination, or do most people in this town  have a tired, scared look in their eyes?

One of my former supervisors is still there at the store, supervising.  I remember when she was trying to get work at a bank, anything to get out of there.  She's still there, probably a few more years, 5 or 8, and she'll be able to retire.

I've been working on my library job application, which I should have had done last week.  Deadline is tomorrow.  I still have 5 essay questions to answer, although the cover letter, resume, application and background check papers are all done.

I'm concerned that I'll get a job call to substitute in the schools tomorrow.  This has to get in, if I'm to have any chance at working in the library.

I did walk a mile today, and did my yoga (which I think of as physical therapy).  My former supervisor called, to see if I'd be able to work graveyard at the Senior Center.  I said "yes," but I've been doing some more thinking about it, and I don't think it would work for me, getting there at 12:30 a.m. and then getting done at 6:30 a.m. in an empty building that's next to acres of empty woodland.   There'll  probably be something that opens before then. I hope.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 38 Lost diamond and Job interview

Today I decide to be wealthy.

The diamond in my wedding ring is gone, apparently fallen out when a bracket broke.  I knew it need repairs years ago, and I was working in a store where there was a jewelry repair artist, too.  Just didn't do it--the ring was stuck on my finger, so I just didn't make the time to get it off and get it fixed.  So tomorrow I'm going to sift through garbage to look for it, as my husband and I were up until 1 a.m. sweeping, vacuuming and peering around for it.  My husband even took off the traps of the kitchen and bathroom sinks and checked the pipes, cleaning them with old toothbrushes. 

It isn't a child, or a pet or anything. It was a very flawed .58 carat diamond that was very fiery. And now it's like looking for a child's lost--every little sparkle on the floor must be checked, the laundry carefully fingered before washing, the garbage carefully sifted.  And the empty ring is still on my finger, the prongs catching on everything, the skeleton left behind.



I had my interview with Touchmark for housekeeping.  The seamstress retired last month--alterations brought in $600 in that month.  They said that they couldn't find my application, so I sat down to try to fill one from memory, and then they found it.  Angie (from Fred Meyer) is working there, and told them to hire me, that I'm good.  And it does have benefits, and they said that if I'm hired, I would be able to go to Sacrament Meetings on Sunday.

I need to finish the library application and get it in tomorrow.  Deadline is the day after tomorrow.

I'm eating too much crap again, and not exercising, period.

I visited Connie afterwards, a friend I hadn't seen in a long time, and then I went over to another place and visited Alan and Peggy for a brief time.  Alan has been ill for a long time, but they both seemed to be happy for the company.

So now I'm off to bed. I have a dental appointment in the afternoon.

Today I decide to be wealthy.
___________________________
From craigslist:

Touchmark at Mount Bachelor Village is now accepting applications for a 30 to 34 hour per week position in Housekeeping. Our housekeeping department goal is to maintain a clean environment and provide quality service for our residents. Responsibilities include cleaning resident homes and common areas on a multi building campus. A typical day includes vacuuming, dusting, cleaning and restocking bathrooms, sweeping, making beds, laundry and other duties as assigned. Sewing and alteration experience is a plus. Requirements for the position are a high school diploma or equivalent, a valid Oregon driver's license and preferably 2 years housekeeping experience. Applicants must be detail oriented, have a positive attitude and work well with a team. A desire to work with seniors is essential. Touchmark provides a beautiful work environment and medical, dental, 401K and paid time off benefits upon eligibility. To apply for this position email resume or apply in person at 19800 SW Touchmark Way. To learn more about Touchmark visit our website at touchmarkbend.com
I

Day 37 The collector calls

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I got up at 5:30, and called the unemployment office at 8 and got straightened out about my latest unemployment challenge, that my account was still invalid and I had to call to restart it.  Turns out reporting my $45 was the problem, and that they'd have to send a letter to Brenda about my work doing inventory that one time.

"It's in case if you did such a good job, that she'll rehire you,"  the phone tech said.

"With all this fuss and baggage, I'd wonder if she'd ever talk to me again, let alone hire me," I replied.

Today Touchmark called, and set up an interview with me tomorrow.  I'm to be there at 2 p.m. to do some computer stuff, and then the interview at 2:30.

And then the collector called.  When I had my gall bladder out, my insurance company paid the hospital a relatively small amount.  The hospital wanted to keep me over night, as I may have sleep apnea, and had been anesthesia for my surgery.  Basically, they wanted to make sure I'd wake up in the morning.

So far I've paid off the radiogolist and the EKG scans, but I'm still paying the surgeon and the Central Oregon Physicians, who were the emergency room staff, and the anesthesiologist ten dollars a month, each.  I had called the hospital, talked to someone about paying the same, and she said it would be fine. And then in November, I understand now that I was supposed to call back and make some sort of agreement on paper about how much I would pay, and that it wouldn't have been less than $500 a month.  Right.  I was paying $444 a month for health insurance, which I'm not paying now, as we didn't/don't have the money.  So $500 wasn't an option in November, and still isn't now.

So anyway, it got turned over to a collection agency, which has slapped on it 9% interest, and wants  $100 a month for the next three months for starters.

I told her that I'd been sending the hospital $10 a month, as that's what the accounts person said I could, and that after it got to collections, that things weren't the way I understood them to do be.  "I used to work in a call center:  I know that if I give you the wrong information, like to stick your iPhone in water, that you'd be out an iPhone and nothing happen to me," I said.  So I'm stuck, I told myself silently. She didn't say anything about that.

I told her I don't have it, and I don't have a kidney to sell them.  She told me she's glad I still have my sense of humor.  She wasn't laughing when I told her that I'm 55 years old, on unemployment, and haven't had a permanent job, but I've had some temporary ones.  She asked about my husband, and I said that he was self-employed, in the same boat, and that we were going to losing our house.  I told her that the bankruptcy lawyer, whom we paid for advice, said that we didn't have any assets to protect, so filing bankruptcy wasn't and option.  She told me to talk with my husband and call back by the end of the month.

So I have done some work clearing out my computer space.  I lost my wallet for an hour and found it, and I still haven't rediscovered the box of file folders I need to file all these papers.

Today I decide to be wealthy.


"Out of clutter find simplicity.  From discord, find harmony.  In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity."   Albert Einstein

Day 36. The Greatest Saleman in the World

Today I decide to be wealthy.

After yesterday's rant, I feel better.  I went to Sacrament Meeting, and enjoyed being there, knowing that if I have another job that requires week-end work, that it will be a while before I'd be able to be there again. I love being in Sacrament Meeting, and being able to take the Sacrament, and to sit with my husband, and know that my children are also at Sacrament Meeting, wherever they are.  I like feeling the fellowship around me, and to know that I'm part of something that goes back to other times, and other places, including sitting with my grandmother in her ward's meetings, and how happy she was that I was with her, and how proud she was of me.

In Relief Society, I went ahead and signed up for cookie donations for the blood drive and to have the missionaries over for dinner on February's Fast Sunday.  I'll make something ahead, like macaroni and cheese, and have some broccoli to go with it.  Linda Rau and I decided to go visiting teaching tomorrow. I paid tithing.  And I just stayed in the moment.  I didn't worry, but I did pray that I'll be able to pay off my medical bills.  I didn't feel stressed or panicky when I prayed it.

I saw Wendy after church, and thanked her for her Sacrament talk last year, and how I tried what she suggested, and the good results I got from following her direction.  She was happy for me, and glad that it helped me.

We had pot roast for dinner.  It was from the Bishop's Storehouse, in December or November.  I'm glad to have food in the house, and to have a house to eat and sleep in.  I feel wealthy.

Later tonight, my middle daughter called and told me about her not-so-great time at school.  She's a senior in a ward full of freshmen, and everyone is a bit disorganized, so she hasn't been able to work with a committee.  She has a rather negative attitude about the people around her, that everyone is "dumb."  Unfortunately, she's had the attitude for a long time.

I'm reminded of a book I read when I was a bit older that she is now.  It was "The World's Greatest Salesman," by  Og Mandino.  There was one part that sort of stuck with me, probably about the only one I used, and that was to think, "I love you," to people when I met them.  Don't say it, just think it.
I've got to figure a way to suggest it to her, so she'll want to try it.

I'm going to send her cards, too, while she's there, to encourage her.  I've talked to her about seeing a counselor, but she's heard other counselors gossip about the people they're supposed to be helping, so she's not going to, as she doesn't want that to happen to her.

I haven't worked on my books today, or on my computer area.  There is still time in this day to do something good.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 35, re. "The 5 Lessons...for Women" book

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I finished "The 5 Lessons a Millionaire Taught Me for Women," a few days ago.  In fact, I read it for the first time a year ago.  It's time to return it to the library.  But first, a book review.

The five mistakes women frequently make when it comes to money, include:
Unenlightened beliefs about money
Undervaluing their assets
"Burnt toast syndrome"
Investment paralysis
Over trusting

Guilty, guilty, whoa, guilty, guilty.

Whoa on the burnt toast syndrome(page 107)  Hey, I take the burnt toast because 1) I can eat it easily, as my spouse thinks he's going to get cancer from it, and the girls don't want the mess.  Furthermore, the girls are the ones who are going to be picking out (and unfortunately, probably paying for) my nursing home.

I did, however, have them do their own laundry, starting with the second grade, something which they didn't think was a good idea until sometime after they were in college.  But financially, there isn't any money for them to sponge off of me.  And they know it.

As for the unenlightened beliefs about money, I wasn't taught much about money, except that it's one of the things my parents fought over, and I'd be upstairs, listening to them argue and wonder what life would be like in an orphanage. Sometime afterwards, my parents were able to put 20% down on one of the largest houses in Lakeview, complete with three acres and it's own well, and get it paid off in 10 years.  All I knew was, "can't afford it, can't afford it, can't afford it," and never how it could be afforded.  I had my own part-time jobs later, but saving the money didn't work.  I saved up for college, and all I had at the end of my junior year was less than $85, and that bank account was started when I was in grade school.  I bought own clothes at times, although my mom would buy my fabric if I sewed my own.  That was back when it was cheaper to sew.  When I was in college, I worked summers for my room and board, as I had a tuition plus scholarship, thanks to a long dead philanthropist.  Basically, there was no belief about money, except I was powerless.

As for the "I'm not worthy" point, I don't think he got it, about how so many times the boys got an allowance, and girls didn't.  That's how it was at my cousins' house.  (I have one brother, who is way younger than I, and he didn't get an allowance at the time either.)  I sure didn't any allowance, and I didn't earn any money, other than the once-in-a-blue-moon baby-sitting job at a neighbors, where I had to immediately put the money into the savings account at the bank. I didn't get any money from my parents if I wasn't worthy, like if I'd fought with my sister earlier in the day, or whatever other reason my parents found.  I didn't get any money if my room was clean, because it's supposed to be clean, and if I asked for money, the answer would be something like, "you don't need to get that,"  but if I asked for some money to get something, and my room wasn't clean, then that was a reason not to give me any money. There was always a reason not to give out any money, but no reason to give any, and worse, no way for me to earn it.

One item I despised in the book was the marshmallow experiment (page 88), where a four year old had a marshmallow put in front of the kid, and the experimenter told the kid that if he/she didn't eat the marshmallow, and it was still there when the experimenter came back, then there would be two marshmallows.  So some of the kids didn't eat the marshmallows, and they grew up to be smarter, richer and Mary Sue and Gary Stus, because they could delay gratification.  Hey, guess what, Sherlock:  Some kids ate the marshmallows because they were already taught that adults lie.  I know that was true in my family.  Eat the marshmallow if you want to, but you're going to get a smack on your head.  And even if you left it alone, there's not going to be a second one.  Better not to want the marshmallow at all, so you don't get a smack if you take it, and you don't get disappointed when there isn't the second one.

As for undervaluing my abilities--I would have ideas and time and time again they would get shot down.  When I was a kid, I'd think of a song, and go to the piano to try to write it out, and get chewed out for "making noise." It seemed that time and time again, "it's stupid," "a waste of time," etc.  How do people get past that, and do something? Yes, writing fan fiction didn't make me any money, and it probably caused more problems than it solved, but I enjoyed it, and when I did it, I got more ideas for other things, and now I quit and made some people satisfied that I quit, but now I don't have any ideas at all.  Like when I gave up trying to write music--I used to create symphonies in my head, and now I just want something from youtube to go into it.

Investment paralysis.  I've blown it there so bad, being afraid of making a mistake, of having someone, anyone, mad at me.  I should have pulled my daughter's account when I felt that the stock exchange guy didn't respect me, and put the whole thing into CDs on my own.  I shouldn't have worried about what my cousin would think when she handed the whole thing over to me.  I spent too much time worried about what others would think if I stood up and made some noise.  But then, I'm three years old again, having done something that a three year old would do in a grocery store, and my parents are telling me, "You see them?  They're looking at you.  They're laughing at you," as they point to the meat cutters who are standing behind the counter, watching people walk by, laughing at who knows what joke.

There isn't any job right now, and there isn't anything to invest.  We're living off of the money my mother-in-law gave us, and we've got medical bills up the wazoo.   I went to college.  Got two bachelor degrees. But now, except for shipping my own kids off to college, I'm wondering what good it's going me now, in providing for my life now and in my future.  I'm stuck at the Brad Lemley adage (paraphrased):  "An education is directly proportional to the enjoyment one has in watching the sunrise."  (It was the moral to a story Brad wrote of all these college graduates--bachelors, masters, doctorates, who, after college, couldn't find any work other than the backbreaking work of tree planting, and how they still had great attitudes as they discussed the sun rising over their labors.  Decades since he wrote the story, tree planting is no longer available to Oregon citizens:  the companies claimed that there weren't any people qualified to do it, and so imported laborers from other countries, using government funding to do so.)

I would like to be in the position of the paragraph on page 13:  In order to be truly happy, we must live balanced lives.  To be in great fiscal health is very much like being in great physical health: it allows you to do more and be more, and it permits you to live your life free of constant pain and bondage.

I'm tired.  It's draining going back into the past, and hearing and seeing stuff all over again.  I hope my kids do way better than I have.  I'm glad they've turned out good.

I'm going to bed.  Tomorrow is Sunday.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 34

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I assembled my papers last night, did the math, and in the morning, called the unemployment office.  It looks like I will be getting some unemployment benefits after all, as two of my previous employers have yet to report the October, November and December reports. 

My middle daughter challenged me to a writing contest, which I went ahead and entered.  Both of us are in it now, and we'll see if the entries were accepted on Monday.

Maybe I'm to be getting my writing going?  I'll contact Celia and see how her free-lancing worked out.

I didn't do much else today, except look at job postings, and practice the keyboard (piano), and exercised. 

Today is January 20.  The twentieth is always an important date on the calendar for me, as my birthday is August 20, one of my former roommates is April 20, other friends were February 20 and May 20, and an ancestor was July 20 (she was born 100 years before I was).  I need to get my ancestor and her family's stories out of my head and into books that my family can read and keep.  Maybe that's why I'm unemployed, so I can get the work done.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 33

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I got my letter from the unemployment office, and found out that they don't have an account of the two months I worked at Parks and Rec, so I have to call them in the morning.  I found my pay stubs, so that's very, very good.

I went through job listings on the internet.  Did laundry. Made a dinner for two and took it to a couple; the husband is getting chemo or something for his cancer on Thursdays, so they need dinners that night.  I made a baked mozzarella ratatouille, a couple of Italian seasoned baked chicken breasts, and some garlic bread, and added a couple of pears, a bag of chocolates and some celery sticks to round it out.

I'm going to bed early tonight.  I got to bed after midnight last night, woke up at 6, and kept falling back asleep into short dreams, that all had dead-end themes to them:  A road I'm on is closed because of a rock slide.  I can't find my hotel room, and then the hotel staff tells me that they can't find any record of my being there. Fun stuff like that.  And then I didn't get out of bed until late in the morning, as I couldn't find my thoughts.

I did do my yoga in the afternoon, and felt much better for having done it, and could feel the energy while I was shopping at the store for dinner stuff.  I've also noticed that my leg and heel pains no longer happen at night.

I need to get up early for the unemployment office phone call.  At night, I have such great plans for the mornings, such as work on sewing room, clean the house. get out ten job applications, walk a mile, exercise, write thank you letters, create art.  And then my head is full of cotton where my brains should be when I wake up.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 32

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I woke up at 5 a.m., and thought about how I used to get up at that time to help my daughters get ready for seminary, and sometimes I drove them to the church for their classes, and stayed and drove them to high school.  I thought, too, that if I had a job, I'd probably be getting up at 5.  I wondered how many times I had to be to work at Fred Meyer, to open the store in the morning.  I used to get phone calls, to ask me to substitute at a school; I laid awake for a bit, listening for a call, but none came.  After a bit, I went back to sleep. 

I know that I need nine hours of sleep, so for me to get up in the early morning with any brains, I need to be in bed by about nine o'clock.

As much as I'm tired of living hand to mouth, I don't miss going to work in the cold, the dark and the snow.

So the storm went on.  I didn't work on finding a job today.  I helped clear snow from the driveway, and then went into town with my husband to run some errands, and then fixed dinner for a neighbor, whose wife died almost two years ago, and whose daughter died in October.  I had thought about having him and his wife over for dinner when she was alive, and then him and his daughter while she was alive, and now--finally!--I followed through on my good intentions.  He may be moving this summer.  He will most likely be losing his house, and will have to live with relatives in California.  I remember when his wife bought the property next door, intending for one of their children to build a house on it, and how they got the property their house is on through an inheritance from her grandmother, and when the house was built.  The house stores stuff that his mother-in-law left when she died, when his sister-in-law died, when his wife died, and when his daughter was killed.

"I've got to get my life down into a shoe box," he said.

After he left, I went over the messages my daughters sent me on Facebook.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 31

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Last night there was an interview on PBS with Suze Orman, who was asked her thoughts on getting out of poverty, as she was raised in a poverty-stricken area.  She said that when she was younger, there were roads in and out of poverty, but now there is a wide highway into poverty, but not even a sidewalk out of it, due to lack of jobs.

It didn't help that she described how most people get into poverty, that my husband and I took every step she described.

On a nicer note, one of my daughter's former classmates posted on Facebook that she and her husband have figured out a game plan on how to get out of debt in three years.



I didn't do a very good job with today.  I gave into my depression.  It snowed and was windy outside, and inside, I was terrified when I looked at my bank account, my unemployment account, and didn't do a thing but feel sorry for myself.  Well, I did some dusting and laundry, but that was about it.

I hope I do better tomorrow.  I plan to do better tomorrow.  Starting with getting to bed an hour earlier than I did last night.


Tomorrow I've got to do better.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 30

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I found out that the hospital has given my account to a collection agency.  I was paying $10 a month, as I'd talked to someone on the phone and she said that would be fine, so I kept doing it, and--surprise--I was to have done paperwork, and the least amount that would have been accepted per month would have been $500 a month, for two years, according to today's someone, named Doris.  Which is more than what I quit paying for health insurance because I couldn't afford it.

I went to check on my unemployment claim and found this:

How much time and money do I have left in my claim?
Your weekly benefit amount is:	$		Program: Non-valid claim
Your remaining balance is:	$
Your claim is currently non-valid. If you are waiting for the addition of Federal or out of state wages, continue filing weekly claims if you are still unemployed. Well, I don't have any Federal or out of state wages.  So I guess I'm cut out of the program.  My heart froze when I saw that.  Fortunately, my mother-in-law called out of the blue a few days ago and told us that she'd be sending us some money, the amount would be enough to see us through the month and into next.   I'll keep posting my claim, though.  Maybe something will change for my benefit. One of my friends called later, and I told her about it, and that I thought about her, and Pam, and Lauren, how things worked out for them, and their circumstances got better, and she assured me that mine would too. I got a call today from Touchmark, a pre-interview, and next week they'll call and set up a face-to-face.  I put in an application at another retirement center, the one I went to Saturday, and they wanted the application filled out on the premises.  I sent a message to the guy who is setting up a new thrift store.  So I met my goal of three job contacts today. And I'll just keep applying around.  The library job, and Goodwill, and whatever else, and just keep in the front of my brain that all this is for my good and shall give me experience.  Doctrine and Covenants 122:7.  Because of the money my mother-in-law is sending, I have a bit of a breather while I look.  And, of course, my attitude, to help my belief that I'll get a job, and the courage to keep applying. Today I decide to be wealthy. I'm halfway through the 60 days.

Day 29

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I had an emotionally sad day, feeling sorry for myself and others.  I had tears during Sacrament Meeting, remembering people who had helped me years ago, who were now dead, and whose spirits I feel from time to time.  I thought too, of how in so many ways, I haven't changed since I was a child, that I still haven't learned my lessons, changed my ways, become more responsible for myself.

The bishop gave a talk about the Book of Mormon, and reminded us that there are answers to whatever challenges we have in our lives.  I thought of the people of Limhi and the people of Alma, how the first group studied night and day how to get out of their slavery (like serfs) and how they finally found a weak spot where some of the guards were stationed, and how they make them drunk and fled while the guards slept.  The people of Alma were too busy being slaves (being treated like beasts of burden), and their conversations were monitored, as they were punished if they were found praying, and the Lord freed them by causing their guards to fall asleep, and so they fled.  Bread or manna, which is it from day to day?

And then there's this:   And now my son, Shiblon, I would that ye should remember, that as much as ye shall put your trust in God even so much ye shall be delivered out of your trials, and your troubles, and your afflictions, and ye shall be lifted up at the last day.  Alma 38:5

I think that trials are what attack you, troubles are in your mind (worries, cares, fears, etc.), and afflictions are in your body (physical illnesses, disabilities).

My goal this week is to get out an application or a resume each day.  And to get into a Red Cross class. And pay the current crop of bills and record them on that housing verification sheet. And to get my cousin's address or phone number, while she's still here on the planet.  (Her kidneys have given out, and she's on dialysis.)  And I signed up to take a meal to a couple on Thursday--the husband has been having cancer treatments on Thursdays.  And to spend more time doing and less time whining.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 28

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Once again, I shot myself in the foot.  I saw a posting for a full-time housekeeping post at a retirement center, and it said to pick up an application.  I went there, and found out that they wanted the application filled out on site.  Also, that the manager is someone I know from church, so it's even less likely that I'd be getting the job, as they won't want to be seen as picking favorites, I suspect.

I know I should have my application stuff with me, list of employers, references, etc. But I put it off, over and over again.  As I do applying for work during the week, even though stuff comes up usually on Friday, I should be finding other places to apply at than wait for someone on Craigslist or wherever to post a "help wanted" ad.

So here I am, past midnight, still on the computer. 

When will I ever learn?  When will I ever change!

I should be applying to a different place every day.  Sunday is a day of rest.  But I'll probably go back and apply at Stone Lodge, for who knows what reason.  Maybe they'll send my application to a friend or something. 

*sigh* *grits teeth*  *let loose jaw, take deep breath and let out another sigh*

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 27

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Last night I was up until 3 a.m. working on papers needed to continue our participation in a government program.  This is how we are still in our house--we qualified for a program that "loans" us our mortgage for a year.  It seems that there are new requirements from time to time. 

I am afraid of making a mistake that will cause us to lose the program, and our home, and where will we stay then?  These are papers about budgeting; I should have been doing this 20, even 30 years ago, but the same problems then are the same now: There is no regular income.  And there is no line for tithing on the paper.  (The church has given us food and cleaning supplies and Christmas gift cards.)

We got the papers in, apparently at the same time someone was calling our house in a panic to tell us to get them in.  I'd already talked with the NeighborImpact worker on Tuesday, and he said no worries, just get them in by Friday.  So I procrastinated and did my unemployment resign in and housework instead.  I even did my yoga and exercises in the evening.  (Why do I have such a hard time doing them, when I feel so good afterwards?)

After dropping the papers off at Worksource, we went to Sisters, and Doug changed a lightbulb that was on top of a very tall light pole, and he did a few other things around the building.  The owner is one of our first customers, and we've had him for at least 10 years. 

Tomorrow will be spent sending out letters and applications for the week.  I remind myself that the more I send out, the greater the chances of someone helping me to connect with a job that I will succeed in.

My mother-in-law called, and let us know that she is sending us some money, and is sending some to the girls too.  (I wept after I gave the phone to my husband.) So the bills will be paid in January, while I continue to look for work.  My unemployment amount will be way less than it has been, and I will not receive anything for my so-called "waiting week," which is a week where one waits to see if the last employer will call with another job--as if!

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 26

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I called the unemployment office and got my new claim going.  I get a new debit card, buy now I suspect that my unemployment income is going way, way down.  But I'll still have something.

I ate sardines tonight, to get my Omega-3.  Still eating too much chocolate.  And I'm working on the Neighbor Impact papers tonight, and I got the mending done for another couple.  My husband is helping another family move tonight.  I knew about helping her pack, but I didn't plan, and I ended up waiting on the phone for an hour and a half to get the unemployment going, and I still didn't have all the information that was needed (I was short about $50 in reporting my income from substituting.)

I've spent too much time moping around today.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 25

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Not much to report today.  Got some minor clothing mending for some friends of mine and I opened up "Writer's Market" for 2010 that I checked out of the library a couple of weeks ago.

Step #3 is to "Win in the Margins," to find some talent or skill or idea that can be used for a profit.  The book had some women who were in financial duress when they came up with the ideas that made them their fame and fortunes.

When I applied for unemployment, I had to go to a workshop about using the career finding resources, and I and two others were called out at the end, and we met with someone who talked to us about creating our own businesses.  I asked about what if I became a writer, and that was immediately shot down.  Which is probably just as well, as I haven't even finished two of my fanfiction books.

Today I saw the guy I blame for the mess we're in. I blame him when I'm not blaming myself for taking his idiotic, abusive financial crap paper and throwing it into the fireplace when I first laid eyes on it.


So, anyway, I dropped in at the Goodwill thrift store, to check on some art supplies that I find there from time to time, and there he was, in the book section.  He hadn't seen me, we didn't make eye contact, so I kept going through the store to get to the fabric section.  (I want to make some steampunk clothing and some other stuff), and there was his third wife, cheerfully going through the clothing.  I said hi, but she either didn't hear me or ignored me, and I kept going.  I did a quick check of table linens and picture frames, and then the yarn area, and then headed out the door.  As I left, I saw that he had his back turned to the door.

I don't think things are going any better than for him.  And the scriptures and the prophets say that I need to pray for him to receive the same blessings that I want for myself.  I wish that I could just let it go, and get on with my life.  It seems that almost every dayI have to deal with it again.

Forgiveness is a process.  Just like some people can have cancer and be instantly healed, and others have to keep working at healing. 

Anyway, today was supposed to be about step #3.  I still have yet to find my pay stubs from my October and November job and reopen my unemployment claim.  Now I'll get off the computer, finish putting in the zipper on the jacket, and go through the papers and find the pay stubs that I know are in there, as I just put them in the box a week ago.

I haven't been exercising, and I've been over-eating.  Wealthy people take care of their health.  I did send off the COBRA payments for the dental and eye glasses insurances.  Haven't paid any other bills for this month, yet.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 24

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I should have gotten up when I was awake at 2 a.m., thinking about cleaning the house and folding the laundry.

I didn't feel very motivated when I did get up, at 8:30.  I had troubles while doing house work, thinking of the decisions that led to our current financial circumstances, basically failure for not taking responsibility or speaking up at crucial times.  (Taking responsibility for one's own finances is step #2 of the 5 lessons.)

I replayed how I wish I'd acted, what I wish I'd said, and I'd catch myself and say, "Today I decide to be wealthy," followed immediately with, "Heavenly Father, please help us through this mess."

I felt I was suffocating, and I kept eating.  The job postings were all out of my league, even home health care jobs needed community college certification. Finally, I called the beauty school and got a hair cut appointment.  My hair had last been cut in October, so I wasn't ready for any interviews, and it was in my eyes and just looked uncared for. I was there for an hour, while the new student and the teacher carefully went over how to cut my hair according to the photo I brought with me.  It was half-price day, so my $5 tip brought it up to the regular price.  The teacher was pleased when she saw the tip. $9.99 total.

I went and bought a slice of pizza at Costco, after I went and had samples of chicken sausage and flavored water, and walked around the store, exercising my legs after sitting so long.  $1.99. 

Then I went to BiMart, checked for my lucky number on the board, and bought a new shirt that was on sale, so I have something nice to wear for job interviews that hasn't been pawed by a cat.  $10.  (The lucky number was 4, which is just as well, as my number is 1, and they had some sort of weird bagged licorice for the prize.  The number the last number on the BiMart membership card.  Last time I won, I got chocolate covered pretzels!)

I went to Fred Meyer and bought groceries, $20.75.

Then I went to Jo Ann's Fabrics and bought thread and bias binding tape, two different packets, $7.  This so that I can make alterations on my oldest daughter's white dress.

So I spent $50 today, and still don't have a job, and haven't done the paperwork to continue my unemployment claim.  I'll work on both tomorrow, and get the alterations done.

Benjamin Franklin said, "Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise."

It's 9:30 p.m.  I'm going to bed. But first I'm putting cleaning supplies in the girls' bathroom, so if I get up early, I can get to work right away.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 23

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I called the unemployment center to find out what I needed to do to continue my unemployment benefits, and found out that I just need to have with me my information of October, November and December employment, and do it on the internet.

I did inventory today at a store that sells decorating supplies--knick knacks, furniture, garden art, candles, silk flowers, stuff that looks antique, but was copied off of old early 1900's furniture, very chunky.  According to the book, step #4, this money would be put directly into savings.  Sorry, it's going to the current crop of bills.

Wealthy people pay their bills.  I finally quit putting off talking to the doctor's office about a bill that I got in December 2011, for a visit I'd had in August 2010.  I'd gone in, got my heart listened to and my blood-pressure taken, and told to get my blood checked and a mammogram and come back.  I went to get the blood test, and the insurance refused to pay for it, as it put it to the $1000 deductible, and I knew that it wouldn't pay for the mammogram as it didn't when I have one a few years earlier.  It turned out that everything was fine, except my blood sugar was high. I didn't have a job to even have the hope of being able to pay for anything extra, as I was already being drained by the health insurance, so I didn't go back, and I didn't get a bill until December 2011.  Dr. K. has been very good to our family, and so I called, found out the amount, and arranged to pay for it in $5 increments.  I think that the new billing system, which used to be in his office but is now contracted out, sent the bill, and that he probably didn't even know that they'd done it.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 22

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I am now more than a third through the trial period.

The 5 lessons are --my note are in italics:

1. decide to be wealthy  --doing that part now
2. take responsibility for your money. --working on it
3. keep a portion of everything you earn  --does left over coins in the coat pocket count?
4. win in the margins --find some way to make money that's during your non-regular paycheck time
5. give back --tithing and charity.

I've always done #5.  I've paid tithing since I was a child, and my mom told me not to, as it cost the church more to process the nickel than it was worth.  So I guess in a way, paying my tithing was a form of rebellion against my mom, but it was still keeping the commandment to put God first, first.  So keeping the commandment to love God is honoring my mom.

Anyway, Malachi 3:10--- Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing that there shall not be room enough to receive it.

I also give a fast offering once a month.  A fast offering is when we fast for at least two meals and give the money we would have spent on them to the bishop.  The church uses it to help the poor (like me).  Fast offerings fund the Bishop's Storehouses.  When I had a regular paycheck, I usually gave $20 a month.  Now it's $10.  For $10, that could buy a loaf of bread, a gallon of milk, a dozen eggs, a pound of butter. The last time I got food from the storehouse, it was before the girls came home from college.  I'd say that we got $100 worth of groceries, if not more.  Dairy, canned foods, soaps, baking ingredients, as if we'd gone to the store and bought it all.  (I'd gotten some meats before, and someone was cleaning out their family freezer and gave us some more.)


I would like to give $100 every month, with $200 at Christmas time. Perhaps sometime in this life, I will be able to do that. The largest I gave was $300, when my aunt died and left me some money in her will.  (We paid off the septic system and the water hook-up with most of it.) 

My girls are in college or graduated, and they have good lives.  My husband and I are still together, and we are still in our house.  If we need to, we can get some more food from the Bishop's Storehouse. Our parents are in good health, and we have gas in the car.  We went over to the town where my brother and his family live, and had a nice visit.  We are still so very broke, but at least we are still breathing.


From time to time, I give small donations to other charities.


Tomorrow I have a one-time job doing inventory at a store.  $10 an hour, maybe five hours at the most.  If I had a regular job, this would be part of Lesson #4.


Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 21

Today I decide to be wealthy.

It's been a day for relationships. 

I went to a memorial service this morning,  I was surprised to discover that the deceased, who died of medical complications, was only months older than I--I always thought she was well in her sixties. Her son talked about how happy she would be not worrying about rent and paying bills.

I found out my college roommate, whom I haven't visited with in years now has six grandchildren--five more than when I'd last talked with her.  And they are all living with her and their mother, her daughter. I had no idea.  Imagine the grocery bill.

One of my daughters called and talked to her dad about one of the guys she'd written ten page letters to every week for two years is engaged.  She is very depressed about it. I remember those days when I was in college, and how I thought that my heart would never quit breaking, and that the scar tissue would make it hard, and I would be a bitter old lonely woman who would only get older.

Well, I got older, anyway.

I've been able to get more job applications in this week.  A job interview, and three resumes distributed, two for housekeeping, one for a driver position.  I need to get to the gym and start getting serious about weight-lifting, as they all require it.

A success story is that I got a number of articles written for the neighborhood newsletter.  I wish my muse would return.  I have a memoir that I'm ghost-writing, and I haven't worked on it for weeks now.  I also got the newsletters into their envelopes.  And having the job resumes sent out is definitely a plus. 

Today was productive. 

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 20

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I broke a molar a couple of days ago.  It needs a crown, and, fortunately, I have dental insurance that I pay for out of my own pocket, that I got when I was working at the call center a year ago, so most of it is paid for, and the dentist will take the rest in trade. (The dental insurance has paid for dental checkups for the family, a crown for my husband, and surgery for the twins; it's been worth every penny I've paid in premiums.)

The dentist told me that his parents are both unemployed.  His mom is a school teacher, and she lost her job right before she would have qualified for tenure.  His dad is an engineer, and works in airplane production, but there isn't any call for airplanes now, let alone engineers.  So he knows that we can't afford any out-of-pocket payments.

My husband had work today, at two different places, with two of our regular customers, and one told him to charge an extra hour because the job was at night and on very short notice.  So there is a very big sigh of relief there, as I don't know if I'll be getting anymore unemployment money or not.

While I was out driving tonight, I was in a nice neighborhood of older homes, and I could look in the windows and see how neat and clean they were inside.  Having things neat and clean is a sign of wealth.  My house looks like a someone's hording a lot of papers, coupons, and file folders and clutter.  I've read where one feeds another.  Clean the house, and prosperity increases; let stuff pile up, and it makes matters worse.

I know I need to clean out the house.  I've known it for a long time.  And sometimes, I make some headway in getting it cleaned, and other times, it's "home," an emotional nest, like a pack rat's and I just want to sleep and stay in it.  I did, however, make the effort to get most of the dishes done and the counter tops cleared and cleaned.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 19

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I saw a posting for a housekeeper at Touchmark, so I went and got a resume and a cover letter and got dressed as for an interview and went up there.

Mistake:  I didn't take a copy of a filled-out job application with me, nor a pen.  The receptionist didn't take the resume, but she did give me an application and told me I could fill it out it the seating are.  So I had to borrow a pen and the phone book, and I couldn't get anything useful from the phone book, and then the receptionist told me that I could fill it out at home and bring it in later.

And I've worked on the newsletter, and went to check on a sewing machine that a friend asked me to look at, and fixed dinner and did an interview, and I still haven't done the thing my youngest daughter asked me to do this morning, to find some car insurance info for her.  I'm so sorry that I've let her down again.  It's past 10, I still don't have the last newsletter article written, either.

I don't know if I've another tier left on my unemployment.  The tier I'm on now made its last payment today.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 18

Today I decide to be wealthy.

It was harder for me to drag myself out of bed. 

I did get the two articles written for the newsletter, about Firewise and Project Wildfire, and sent off for the newsletter. Misha's hoping that I'll be there tomorrow to work on the newsletter.


I got some stuff sorted, but not much, but it's still something.  I just feel so tired and so hungry, and I keep eating.  I checked craigslist and Oregon Employment for job postings, but didn't find anything.  I talked to my mom, and told her about not getting the job, and she said I didn't want it anyway, not with all those grouchy old people. 

I have a paycheck coming next week.  Doug got a service call for today and tomorrow.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 17

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Today I had a job interview to be a server--a waitress--at Whispering Winds (an active senior "community").  I stopped by Worksource, told Deb how it went, came home and emailed Kathy (also at Worksource), and the phone call came that they'd chosen someone else, but would keep my application on file.

I don't think it helped knowing that my unemployment account at the state has only $17 left in it--I do have a paycheck coming Friday the 13th.

So I did research for an article I should have written two weeks ago, and ate food, and existed for a while, and then I decided that "wealthy" includes taking care of my body and I did my yoga exercises before bed.

I also started reading the 5 lessons for women, and the beginning of a book called "Getting Things Done" or something like that.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 16

Today I decide to be wealthy.

The girls left early this morning.  There wasn't the drama and friction as there had been on other mornings.  The trunk was smoothly packed, the Harry Potter tapes were in place, and the girls were ready to go.

I'm so grateful for Aunt Priscilla's gift to Rachel, that she has a car to transport her sisters and to get to her work, and to be able to go to places wherever she's at, like Yellowstone.  We couldn't have gotten any one of them one, due to our economic mess. 

But here we are.  We still have a house to live in (thanks to government grant), and food to eat (thanks to church's fast offerings), and electricity and water and utilities (thanks to Christmas money from my mother-in-law), and car insurance (thanks to Doug having had work).

I am so rich in so many ways--now I need to get finances (a job) so that we can give back, and have health insurance and a steady source of income.

Today I decide to be wealthy.