69 Death came for Delmer

My husband got the news that Delmer (age 92) died on Valentine's Day, his wedding anniversary.  His wife died a few years ago, after a long illness.

Ever since I knew them, they were flat broke it seemed. They'd sold their house in California and moved to Oregon to get their boys away from the drugs there, like so many other families. And like so many other families, it didn't stop the drugs.  I remember how sour Delmer was, commenting on the house that they'd owned selling for a quarter of a million ten years later.

They'd also bought out the relatives' shares on a piece of property in Medford, where they were always going to build a house. He'd looked forward to that, but I don't think that they had a dime to do any building.

They always seemed to be in some financial scheme that didn't work out, the last one being apartment managers in the Portland area.  They got the job, with promises of benefits and retirement and long-term employment, and after Delmer did all the repairs and Beverly got the place filled with quiet, paying tenants, the owners decided they could take it from here, thank you very much, and fired them. After that, they lived in a number of smaller and smaller places, including one that was just a few miles from the Portland temple, but they couldn't go, as they had no money for gas.  They ended up living with their daughters, and after Beverly died, Delmer went into assisted living, as his income from veteran's and social security bumped the household income too high for the place his oldest daughter was living at.

I don't want to end up in the same financial boats that they and their girls were in. But here I am.

On another note, my daughter who is graduating from college says it's okay with her if I don't go, as she knows I need the paycheck, and I have no money to go down there. Her sisters will be there to watch her get her diploma.

And on another note, the hot water heater is acting screwy, and the water seems to be getting hotter and hotter when we take showers or wash our hands. Fortunately, we have another hot water heater for the kitchen and another bathroom.

Day 38 Lost diamond and Job interview

Today I decide to be wealthy.

The diamond in my wedding ring is gone, apparently fallen out when a bracket broke.  I knew it need repairs years ago, and I was working in a store where there was a jewelry repair artist, too.  Just didn't do it--the ring was stuck on my finger, so I just didn't make the time to get it off and get it fixed.  So tomorrow I'm going to sift through garbage to look for it, as my husband and I were up until 1 a.m. sweeping, vacuuming and peering around for it.  My husband even took off the traps of the kitchen and bathroom sinks and checked the pipes, cleaning them with old toothbrushes. 

It isn't a child, or a pet or anything. It was a very flawed .58 carat diamond that was very fiery. And now it's like looking for a child's lost--every little sparkle on the floor must be checked, the laundry carefully fingered before washing, the garbage carefully sifted.  And the empty ring is still on my finger, the prongs catching on everything, the skeleton left behind.



I had my interview with Touchmark for housekeeping.  The seamstress retired last month--alterations brought in $600 in that month.  They said that they couldn't find my application, so I sat down to try to fill one from memory, and then they found it.  Angie (from Fred Meyer) is working there, and told them to hire me, that I'm good.  And it does have benefits, and they said that if I'm hired, I would be able to go to Sacrament Meetings on Sunday.

I need to finish the library application and get it in tomorrow.  Deadline is the day after tomorrow.

I'm eating too much crap again, and not exercising, period.

I visited Connie afterwards, a friend I hadn't seen in a long time, and then I went over to another place and visited Alan and Peggy for a brief time.  Alan has been ill for a long time, but they both seemed to be happy for the company.

So now I'm off to bed. I have a dental appointment in the afternoon.

Today I decide to be wealthy.
___________________________
From craigslist:

Touchmark at Mount Bachelor Village is now accepting applications for a 30 to 34 hour per week position in Housekeeping. Our housekeeping department goal is to maintain a clean environment and provide quality service for our residents. Responsibilities include cleaning resident homes and common areas on a multi building campus. A typical day includes vacuuming, dusting, cleaning and restocking bathrooms, sweeping, making beds, laundry and other duties as assigned. Sewing and alteration experience is a plus. Requirements for the position are a high school diploma or equivalent, a valid Oregon driver's license and preferably 2 years housekeeping experience. Applicants must be detail oriented, have a positive attitude and work well with a team. A desire to work with seniors is essential. Touchmark provides a beautiful work environment and medical, dental, 401K and paid time off benefits upon eligibility. To apply for this position email resume or apply in person at 19800 SW Touchmark Way. To learn more about Touchmark visit our website at touchmarkbend.com
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Day 28

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Once again, I shot myself in the foot.  I saw a posting for a full-time housekeeping post at a retirement center, and it said to pick up an application.  I went there, and found out that they wanted the application filled out on site.  Also, that the manager is someone I know from church, so it's even less likely that I'd be getting the job, as they won't want to be seen as picking favorites, I suspect.

I know I should have my application stuff with me, list of employers, references, etc. But I put it off, over and over again.  As I do applying for work during the week, even though stuff comes up usually on Friday, I should be finding other places to apply at than wait for someone on Craigslist or wherever to post a "help wanted" ad.

So here I am, past midnight, still on the computer. 

When will I ever learn?  When will I ever change!

I should be applying to a different place every day.  Sunday is a day of rest.  But I'll probably go back and apply at Stone Lodge, for who knows what reason.  Maybe they'll send my application to a friend or something. 

*sigh* *grits teeth*  *let loose jaw, take deep breath and let out another sigh*

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 25

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Not much to report today.  Got some minor clothing mending for some friends of mine and I opened up "Writer's Market" for 2010 that I checked out of the library a couple of weeks ago.

Step #3 is to "Win in the Margins," to find some talent or skill or idea that can be used for a profit.  The book had some women who were in financial duress when they came up with the ideas that made them their fame and fortunes.

When I applied for unemployment, I had to go to a workshop about using the career finding resources, and I and two others were called out at the end, and we met with someone who talked to us about creating our own businesses.  I asked about what if I became a writer, and that was immediately shot down.  Which is probably just as well, as I haven't even finished two of my fanfiction books.

Today I saw the guy I blame for the mess we're in. I blame him when I'm not blaming myself for taking his idiotic, abusive financial crap paper and throwing it into the fireplace when I first laid eyes on it.


So, anyway, I dropped in at the Goodwill thrift store, to check on some art supplies that I find there from time to time, and there he was, in the book section.  He hadn't seen me, we didn't make eye contact, so I kept going through the store to get to the fabric section.  (I want to make some steampunk clothing and some other stuff), and there was his third wife, cheerfully going through the clothing.  I said hi, but she either didn't hear me or ignored me, and I kept going.  I did a quick check of table linens and picture frames, and then the yarn area, and then headed out the door.  As I left, I saw that he had his back turned to the door.

I don't think things are going any better than for him.  And the scriptures and the prophets say that I need to pray for him to receive the same blessings that I want for myself.  I wish that I could just let it go, and get on with my life.  It seems that almost every dayI have to deal with it again.

Forgiveness is a process.  Just like some people can have cancer and be instantly healed, and others have to keep working at healing. 

Anyway, today was supposed to be about step #3.  I still have yet to find my pay stubs from my October and November job and reopen my unemployment claim.  Now I'll get off the computer, finish putting in the zipper on the jacket, and go through the papers and find the pay stubs that I know are in there, as I just put them in the box a week ago.

I haven't been exercising, and I've been over-eating.  Wealthy people take care of their health.  I did send off the COBRA payments for the dental and eye glasses insurances.  Haven't paid any other bills for this month, yet.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 24

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I should have gotten up when I was awake at 2 a.m., thinking about cleaning the house and folding the laundry.

I didn't feel very motivated when I did get up, at 8:30.  I had troubles while doing house work, thinking of the decisions that led to our current financial circumstances, basically failure for not taking responsibility or speaking up at crucial times.  (Taking responsibility for one's own finances is step #2 of the 5 lessons.)

I replayed how I wish I'd acted, what I wish I'd said, and I'd catch myself and say, "Today I decide to be wealthy," followed immediately with, "Heavenly Father, please help us through this mess."

I felt I was suffocating, and I kept eating.  The job postings were all out of my league, even home health care jobs needed community college certification. Finally, I called the beauty school and got a hair cut appointment.  My hair had last been cut in October, so I wasn't ready for any interviews, and it was in my eyes and just looked uncared for. I was there for an hour, while the new student and the teacher carefully went over how to cut my hair according to the photo I brought with me.  It was half-price day, so my $5 tip brought it up to the regular price.  The teacher was pleased when she saw the tip. $9.99 total.

I went and bought a slice of pizza at Costco, after I went and had samples of chicken sausage and flavored water, and walked around the store, exercising my legs after sitting so long.  $1.99. 

Then I went to BiMart, checked for my lucky number on the board, and bought a new shirt that was on sale, so I have something nice to wear for job interviews that hasn't been pawed by a cat.  $10.  (The lucky number was 4, which is just as well, as my number is 1, and they had some sort of weird bagged licorice for the prize.  The number the last number on the BiMart membership card.  Last time I won, I got chocolate covered pretzels!)

I went to Fred Meyer and bought groceries, $20.75.

Then I went to Jo Ann's Fabrics and bought thread and bias binding tape, two different packets, $7.  This so that I can make alterations on my oldest daughter's white dress.

So I spent $50 today, and still don't have a job, and haven't done the paperwork to continue my unemployment claim.  I'll work on both tomorrow, and get the alterations done.

Benjamin Franklin said, "Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise."

It's 9:30 p.m.  I'm going to bed. But first I'm putting cleaning supplies in the girls' bathroom, so if I get up early, I can get to work right away.

Today I decide to be wealthy.