79 Turning points

Today my blog is going to shift a bit to my health.  "Today I decide to be healthy."

I've got my job starting in a month, and I need to get physically prepared for it.  I know I'm @ 100 pounds over-weight, maybe less, as my weight in college was 170.  I'm 260 this morning.

Yesterday I was thinking about the hymn, "I'll cast my burdens at his feet, and bear a song away." And I thought about that some more, and gave a silent prayer, asking if I could do that, and I got the answer back, a very small, still small voice, that I could.

So I'm going to start with giving 50 pounds to the Lord in this month and during my time at Park and Rec. 30 weeks.  That's a healthy loss of almost 2 pounds a week on average.

I've been exercising, but not steadily.  And I've made some half-hearted attempts at portion control.

Today I need to do better, and everyday. Without the extra weight, I'd be able to buy clothes, and I know I'd feel better and look more employable to others.  I saw one of the moms at Pine Ridge walking in front of me, and I hoped I didn't look like that in the back, and I felt sorry for her.

This morning I took a one-mile walk with the dog down to the river and back, and was pleased that I was able to do the slope without getting winded until about the end, and still have energy when I got home.

I bought over 2 lbs. of broccoli last night, and ate over a pound for dinner with a salmon patty.  No potatoes or bread.

And wealth-wise, I'm thinking about Tabatha Brown's Fashions (no bolts of fabric were cut) sewing.  There was a black curtain with flowers I saw at Goodwill--it would make a beautiful jacket. But the thought of buying it gives me a guilt feeling--that's $8 I could spend on my children or on bills.
---------
I've been toying with sewing ideas, and one of my fantasies was a business named "Tabitha Brown Fashions," after the Mother of Oregon, a woman named Tabitha Brown, who came out west on one of the worst wagon trains ever assembled, probably second to the Donner Party for its bad luck.  After making it to The Valley, at age 66, destitute but for her family, she found a coin worth 61/2 cents--a picayune--in the finger of a glove, and used it to buy a sewing needle, traded some fabric for buck skin, and made gloves to sell, and that was the start of her fortune. She ended up founding an orphanage, prospered, founded an orphanage (now Pacific University), and died wealthy and well-loved.

What better name to bless the business?

And then I googled the name and found that Tabitha Brown is already in existence as a fashion planner in Tennessee, on Facebook (Australia), a murdered woman in South Carolina, a dead one in Missouri, and a blogger/illustrator on Esty who has her studio named "The Pairabirds".

There's a small business thing at the Library on Tuesdays. I can always check out there using the name there.

Day 36. The Greatest Saleman in the World

Today I decide to be wealthy.

After yesterday's rant, I feel better.  I went to Sacrament Meeting, and enjoyed being there, knowing that if I have another job that requires week-end work, that it will be a while before I'd be able to be there again. I love being in Sacrament Meeting, and being able to take the Sacrament, and to sit with my husband, and know that my children are also at Sacrament Meeting, wherever they are.  I like feeling the fellowship around me, and to know that I'm part of something that goes back to other times, and other places, including sitting with my grandmother in her ward's meetings, and how happy she was that I was with her, and how proud she was of me.

In Relief Society, I went ahead and signed up for cookie donations for the blood drive and to have the missionaries over for dinner on February's Fast Sunday.  I'll make something ahead, like macaroni and cheese, and have some broccoli to go with it.  Linda Rau and I decided to go visiting teaching tomorrow. I paid tithing.  And I just stayed in the moment.  I didn't worry, but I did pray that I'll be able to pay off my medical bills.  I didn't feel stressed or panicky when I prayed it.

I saw Wendy after church, and thanked her for her Sacrament talk last year, and how I tried what she suggested, and the good results I got from following her direction.  She was happy for me, and glad that it helped me.

We had pot roast for dinner.  It was from the Bishop's Storehouse, in December or November.  I'm glad to have food in the house, and to have a house to eat and sleep in.  I feel wealthy.

Later tonight, my middle daughter called and told me about her not-so-great time at school.  She's a senior in a ward full of freshmen, and everyone is a bit disorganized, so she hasn't been able to work with a committee.  She has a rather negative attitude about the people around her, that everyone is "dumb."  Unfortunately, she's had the attitude for a long time.

I'm reminded of a book I read when I was a bit older that she is now.  It was "The World's Greatest Salesman," by  Og Mandino.  There was one part that sort of stuck with me, probably about the only one I used, and that was to think, "I love you," to people when I met them.  Don't say it, just think it.
I've got to figure a way to suggest it to her, so she'll want to try it.

I'm going to send her cards, too, while she's there, to encourage her.  I've talked to her about seeing a counselor, but she's heard other counselors gossip about the people they're supposed to be helping, so she's not going to, as she doesn't want that to happen to her.

I haven't worked on my books today, or on my computer area.  There is still time in this day to do something good.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 25

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Not much to report today.  Got some minor clothing mending for some friends of mine and I opened up "Writer's Market" for 2010 that I checked out of the library a couple of weeks ago.

Step #3 is to "Win in the Margins," to find some talent or skill or idea that can be used for a profit.  The book had some women who were in financial duress when they came up with the ideas that made them their fame and fortunes.

When I applied for unemployment, I had to go to a workshop about using the career finding resources, and I and two others were called out at the end, and we met with someone who talked to us about creating our own businesses.  I asked about what if I became a writer, and that was immediately shot down.  Which is probably just as well, as I haven't even finished two of my fanfiction books.

Today I saw the guy I blame for the mess we're in. I blame him when I'm not blaming myself for taking his idiotic, abusive financial crap paper and throwing it into the fireplace when I first laid eyes on it.


So, anyway, I dropped in at the Goodwill thrift store, to check on some art supplies that I find there from time to time, and there he was, in the book section.  He hadn't seen me, we didn't make eye contact, so I kept going through the store to get to the fabric section.  (I want to make some steampunk clothing and some other stuff), and there was his third wife, cheerfully going through the clothing.  I said hi, but she either didn't hear me or ignored me, and I kept going.  I did a quick check of table linens and picture frames, and then the yarn area, and then headed out the door.  As I left, I saw that he had his back turned to the door.

I don't think things are going any better than for him.  And the scriptures and the prophets say that I need to pray for him to receive the same blessings that I want for myself.  I wish that I could just let it go, and get on with my life.  It seems that almost every dayI have to deal with it again.

Forgiveness is a process.  Just like some people can have cancer and be instantly healed, and others have to keep working at healing. 

Anyway, today was supposed to be about step #3.  I still have yet to find my pay stubs from my October and November job and reopen my unemployment claim.  Now I'll get off the computer, finish putting in the zipper on the jacket, and go through the papers and find the pay stubs that I know are in there, as I just put them in the box a week ago.

I haven't been exercising, and I've been over-eating.  Wealthy people take care of their health.  I did send off the COBRA payments for the dental and eye glasses insurances.  Haven't paid any other bills for this month, yet.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 24

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I should have gotten up when I was awake at 2 a.m., thinking about cleaning the house and folding the laundry.

I didn't feel very motivated when I did get up, at 8:30.  I had troubles while doing house work, thinking of the decisions that led to our current financial circumstances, basically failure for not taking responsibility or speaking up at crucial times.  (Taking responsibility for one's own finances is step #2 of the 5 lessons.)

I replayed how I wish I'd acted, what I wish I'd said, and I'd catch myself and say, "Today I decide to be wealthy," followed immediately with, "Heavenly Father, please help us through this mess."

I felt I was suffocating, and I kept eating.  The job postings were all out of my league, even home health care jobs needed community college certification. Finally, I called the beauty school and got a hair cut appointment.  My hair had last been cut in October, so I wasn't ready for any interviews, and it was in my eyes and just looked uncared for. I was there for an hour, while the new student and the teacher carefully went over how to cut my hair according to the photo I brought with me.  It was half-price day, so my $5 tip brought it up to the regular price.  The teacher was pleased when she saw the tip. $9.99 total.

I went and bought a slice of pizza at Costco, after I went and had samples of chicken sausage and flavored water, and walked around the store, exercising my legs after sitting so long.  $1.99. 

Then I went to BiMart, checked for my lucky number on the board, and bought a new shirt that was on sale, so I have something nice to wear for job interviews that hasn't been pawed by a cat.  $10.  (The lucky number was 4, which is just as well, as my number is 1, and they had some sort of weird bagged licorice for the prize.  The number the last number on the BiMart membership card.  Last time I won, I got chocolate covered pretzels!)

I went to Fred Meyer and bought groceries, $20.75.

Then I went to Jo Ann's Fabrics and bought thread and bias binding tape, two different packets, $7.  This so that I can make alterations on my oldest daughter's white dress.

So I spent $50 today, and still don't have a job, and haven't done the paperwork to continue my unemployment claim.  I'll work on both tomorrow, and get the alterations done.

Benjamin Franklin said, "Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise."

It's 9:30 p.m.  I'm going to bed. But first I'm putting cleaning supplies in the girls' bathroom, so if I get up early, I can get to work right away.

Today I decide to be wealthy.