The Seventh Season

The year is now 2017. I am in my seventh season at Parks and Recreation.  I am now vested in the Public Employee Retirement system.  I no longer for the schools as an educational assistant.  Given the deep and long-lasting snows of the winter, I was relieved not to have to worry about answering the phone.

Doug and I now live in an apartment.

Years ago, when this complex was being built, we would drive by, the joke was that when all went south, that's where we would moved to.  And here we are.  It has a nice lawn behind it, that we look over when we view the canal and the landscape out to the north, northwest to Awbrey Butte.  No windows look at our place, except for cars speeding by on the Parkway.  I've tried to look at our place when driving by, and all you can see is that the place exists, so we have privacy.  Inside, there are angles, as there were at the house, which is nice and comforting.  There's a porch for plants and the rocky horse that Lindsey bought long before I entered the family.  We are at the far end of the complex, where we can see our garage, and where few people drive.  The south windows look down on lawn and the parking lot and over to windows and porches of other buildings.  I've used the exercise room, visited with friends in the lounge, and swam in the pool.

The cats went to a friend's place, and she let them live there.  Toby never did go into the house, but hung around like a feral cat, keeping a schedule of showing up in the afternoon to eat, and eventually didn't show up any more.  I had a dream of him, which was so real, I could feel his weight in my arms, and I held him and petted him, and he turned his face to me, and I could see that he was dead.

Bobsworth died a few days after the dream.  Soon after the move there, he worked his way into the house, made himself at home, demanded to be pushed around on the floor while lying on his back. Bossy thing.  I saw him weekly.  When he died, he was found under the dining room table.  I got a cardboard box for his coffin and took him to the Humane Society.


My husband is working.  The company accommodates his physical limitations, and we have health insurance and are working on our savings.  I am very grateful for the Judsons and others who mentored his becoming an electrician.  The construction here in Bend is booming, and there is a shortage of skilled labor such as his, so we are hoping to get through this period of time okay.

My daughters became adults.  One has her master's degree, two are married, and the first grandchild is expected tomorrow.  One lives with her husband in Virginia, the other two live in Utah.  They are healthy and doing well.  Our mothers are still alive, still able to physically take care of themselves with some small assistance from our siblings who are there with them--driving them to appointments and such.

 I still have my medical bills, but they are down now to less than $3,000.  I anticipate having them all paid off by the July 31st paycheck. To celebrate, I will bring doughnuts to work, maybe a fruit tray too, and make sure that the trailer gets a box.

Some lunchtimes, I'm at Pine Nursery North, where there is a fishing pond.  I sit in my rig and watch the water as I eat.  Some days the water ripples a little, some days there's a breeze that makes crests that run across the surface, and some days the water looks flat and grey, reflecting the clouds, and some days it's blue and white, with an occasional splash from a fish.

We are in a good place. What more could I want, but this?  Today I am wealthy.

Post-season, November 2013

I've completed my third season as a custodian for the local parks district.  I'm still working winters, substituting in the schools, but I've had only two calls but they were while I was still cleaning restrooms.  I've completed my required coursework on identifying and reporting abuse, dealing with blood pathogens, and avoiding the appearance of being a child molester, so I've received my new tag, showing that I'm a official employee with the education service district until October 2014.

My husband is working, and has been working now for months.  When he was hired, he was told to expect just a few weeks.  One daughter now has a full-time, benefits paid job, complete with use of the company's gym and her own parking space, even though she lives close enough to walk to work.  Another daughter is in Boston today, at a conference.  She is getting her masters in public health and has some concerns of what she'll be doing for employment after school.  The third daughter is home, dealing with some issues and is currently unemployed while she figures out her next step.  The house is headed for foreclosure and my husband got his bankruptcy finalized.  The house is a mess and I'm home, dealing with it, although I'm doing a lousy job at it.

Both of our mothers are well and well off, as they have enough money for their needs and most of their wants.  They would both like to see us more, but here we are.  My husband sold two vehicles, bought another one and fixed it up so that it will run for many more miles and years.  His brother has a regular job now, and my siblings are well.  The dog died in December, 2012 and both cats are still alive.  Two houses are built next door to us, and it looks like a third is going in and places that were plotted out for houses five years ago are now having foundations poured, walls raised and "for sale" signs out in front, although no one knows where the buyers are coming from. The general economy of area is still poor, as yet another thrift store has opened.

I am reminded of what was said at one of my daughter's college commencement:  "Prosperity has nothing to do with money."

71 Writing

I got a newsletter article written, ahead of time.  I got some housework done, found a job to apply to, for light manufacturing, temporary job; I talked to Sarah today. 

I worked on Sister Boyce's book a little, research, mainly.

It snowed almost three inches last night.  Tomorrow the roads will be dried, and I will do many things then.

70 Sabbath rest

The bishop gave a talk about ward conference, which I felt was directed at another person in the ward and me.

Does the gospel of Jesus Christ provide a car to someone who needs it?  A job for a long-time job hunter?

He recounted the people who had lived and who had died in the ward in the past year, who had surgeries and illness, and the death of his own mother and both grandmothers in an 18 month period when he was a boy.  He discussed blessings, of  James 5:14 Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord:
the priesthood authority, the anointing, the sealing of the anointing, the prayer, the will of the Lord.
He told of peace and comfort, and there there may not be the car or the job, but there will be the refuge from despair.

I remember him and other priesthood authorities, promising that this too, shall pass.

My husband is getting his paperwork done, and there looks like there will be enough to pay the bills this month.

I talked to my daughter about my hopes in going to her college graduation.  She hadn't planned on me being there, as she knows I need the work and the income,and that it would cost so much. My mom has offered to pay my way. My husband thinks I should go.  I feel that I should stay.

69 Death came for Delmer

My husband got the news that Delmer (age 92) died on Valentine's Day, his wedding anniversary.  His wife died a few years ago, after a long illness.

Ever since I knew them, they were flat broke it seemed. They'd sold their house in California and moved to Oregon to get their boys away from the drugs there, like so many other families. And like so many other families, it didn't stop the drugs.  I remember how sour Delmer was, commenting on the house that they'd owned selling for a quarter of a million ten years later.

They'd also bought out the relatives' shares on a piece of property in Medford, where they were always going to build a house. He'd looked forward to that, but I don't think that they had a dime to do any building.

They always seemed to be in some financial scheme that didn't work out, the last one being apartment managers in the Portland area.  They got the job, with promises of benefits and retirement and long-term employment, and after Delmer did all the repairs and Beverly got the place filled with quiet, paying tenants, the owners decided they could take it from here, thank you very much, and fired them. After that, they lived in a number of smaller and smaller places, including one that was just a few miles from the Portland temple, but they couldn't go, as they had no money for gas.  They ended up living with their daughters, and after Beverly died, Delmer went into assisted living, as his income from veteran's and social security bumped the household income too high for the place his oldest daughter was living at.

I don't want to end up in the same financial boats that they and their girls were in. But here I am.

On another note, my daughter who is graduating from college says it's okay with her if I don't go, as she knows I need the paycheck, and I have no money to go down there. Her sisters will be there to watch her get her diploma.

And on another note, the hot water heater is acting screwy, and the water seems to be getting hotter and hotter when we take showers or wash our hands. Fortunately, we have another hot water heater for the kitchen and another bathroom.

57 Take a deep breath

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Why do I want to be wealthy?  Or in this definition, why do I want money?

To pay my bills.  To be able to share.  To not worry where I will sleep in the future.  To be able to take care of my health.  To be able to have freedom to go to town without worry about the gas in the car.  To help my daughters if they need it. Sarah will, when she gets out of school.  Elizabeth will, if she doesn't find work soon.

I paid my tithing today.

I miss my daughters sitting with me.   The Holmes baby is having "routine" heart surgery tomorrow.  Brenda sat next to me in Relief Society, and I told her about my visit with her son.

I wanted the bishop to say something to me before I left the church building. I was considering asking for help again from the bishop's Storehouse.  I was sitting in the foyer, when he walked by.

"How are you? and how are the girls?" he asked (he was headed out to get something from his car.)

"The girls are fine," I said.

"And how are you," he said, ten feet away from me, and everyone listening.

I hesitated, and he smiled at me.

"Everything is going to turn out fine," he said, and then headed to get something from his car.

Tomorrow, I have a lot to do.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

52 And another day

 Today I decide to be wealthy.

I woke up in the morning and thought about getting the paperwork all pulled together.  And then thought about how I didn't have a document 1099 from Sister Boyce, about my working for her. I'll have to find the records I have.

I found the last two bank statements I needed.  They were with the other ones, but behind a divider. I'd gotten up early and felt sleepy in mid-morning and dreamed that a couple of people I'd known at Fred Meyer were asking me to return. I know it has far more to do with my own loneliness than anything else.

One of my daughters called. She was excited about her grad school interview. She still doesn't have a job, but she may have a chance at being accepted in a master's program at a quiet university. It would be interesting it she got it--the third generation in that town! My mom got her bachelor's there, and I lived next to campus when I lived there while trying to make it on my own.  (I ended up going back to U. of Oregon. I should have stayed another year for my grandmother's sake and to grow up more.)

In the afternoon, I went to the school and assisted in taking care of a couple of kids that need one-to-one attention. One is a small girl with Down's Syndrome, who doesn't talk.  I thought about my own daughters, and how hard it would have been to take care of her, and wondered about the girl's parents.

I went to the copy shop to copy the papers, and make sure I had everything with our names and our case/loan number on the top, and then I got groceries and came home.

 Today I decide to be wealthy.

46 Another blank

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I practiced the piano today. I worked on some paper work for the house, for NeighborImpact and OHSI. I deposited my unemployment checks. I exercised.  I found myself grieving for the future loss of this house. The printer doesn't work anymore, and the other printer is not hooked to this computer. So everything either goes through the other computer or I'll have to go to the library to print stuff out. And the keyboard is acting weak, too.

I'm reading a book,  Children of Cambodia's killing fields : memoirs by survivors / compiled by Dith Pran.  

They lost their homes, their parents, their siblings, their families, their youth. They came to the United States and were serious about their schooling and their futures. Many report still having nightmares.

I found the church's employment handbook. I'll go through it better that I did last time.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 36. The Greatest Saleman in the World

Today I decide to be wealthy.

After yesterday's rant, I feel better.  I went to Sacrament Meeting, and enjoyed being there, knowing that if I have another job that requires week-end work, that it will be a while before I'd be able to be there again. I love being in Sacrament Meeting, and being able to take the Sacrament, and to sit with my husband, and know that my children are also at Sacrament Meeting, wherever they are.  I like feeling the fellowship around me, and to know that I'm part of something that goes back to other times, and other places, including sitting with my grandmother in her ward's meetings, and how happy she was that I was with her, and how proud she was of me.

In Relief Society, I went ahead and signed up for cookie donations for the blood drive and to have the missionaries over for dinner on February's Fast Sunday.  I'll make something ahead, like macaroni and cheese, and have some broccoli to go with it.  Linda Rau and I decided to go visiting teaching tomorrow. I paid tithing.  And I just stayed in the moment.  I didn't worry, but I did pray that I'll be able to pay off my medical bills.  I didn't feel stressed or panicky when I prayed it.

I saw Wendy after church, and thanked her for her Sacrament talk last year, and how I tried what she suggested, and the good results I got from following her direction.  She was happy for me, and glad that it helped me.

We had pot roast for dinner.  It was from the Bishop's Storehouse, in December or November.  I'm glad to have food in the house, and to have a house to eat and sleep in.  I feel wealthy.

Later tonight, my middle daughter called and told me about her not-so-great time at school.  She's a senior in a ward full of freshmen, and everyone is a bit disorganized, so she hasn't been able to work with a committee.  She has a rather negative attitude about the people around her, that everyone is "dumb."  Unfortunately, she's had the attitude for a long time.

I'm reminded of a book I read when I was a bit older that she is now.  It was "The World's Greatest Salesman," by  Og Mandino.  There was one part that sort of stuck with me, probably about the only one I used, and that was to think, "I love you," to people when I met them.  Don't say it, just think it.
I've got to figure a way to suggest it to her, so she'll want to try it.

I'm going to send her cards, too, while she's there, to encourage her.  I've talked to her about seeing a counselor, but she's heard other counselors gossip about the people they're supposed to be helping, so she's not going to, as she doesn't want that to happen to her.

I haven't worked on my books today, or on my computer area.  There is still time in this day to do something good.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 34

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I assembled my papers last night, did the math, and in the morning, called the unemployment office.  It looks like I will be getting some unemployment benefits after all, as two of my previous employers have yet to report the October, November and December reports. 

My middle daughter challenged me to a writing contest, which I went ahead and entered.  Both of us are in it now, and we'll see if the entries were accepted on Monday.

Maybe I'm to be getting my writing going?  I'll contact Celia and see how her free-lancing worked out.

I didn't do much else today, except look at job postings, and practice the keyboard (piano), and exercised. 

Today is January 20.  The twentieth is always an important date on the calendar for me, as my birthday is August 20, one of my former roommates is April 20, other friends were February 20 and May 20, and an ancestor was July 20 (she was born 100 years before I was).  I need to get my ancestor and her family's stories out of my head and into books that my family can read and keep.  Maybe that's why I'm unemployed, so I can get the work done.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 32

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I woke up at 5 a.m., and thought about how I used to get up at that time to help my daughters get ready for seminary, and sometimes I drove them to the church for their classes, and stayed and drove them to high school.  I thought, too, that if I had a job, I'd probably be getting up at 5.  I wondered how many times I had to be to work at Fred Meyer, to open the store in the morning.  I used to get phone calls, to ask me to substitute at a school; I laid awake for a bit, listening for a call, but none came.  After a bit, I went back to sleep. 

I know that I need nine hours of sleep, so for me to get up in the early morning with any brains, I need to be in bed by about nine o'clock.

As much as I'm tired of living hand to mouth, I don't miss going to work in the cold, the dark and the snow.

So the storm went on.  I didn't work on finding a job today.  I helped clear snow from the driveway, and then went into town with my husband to run some errands, and then fixed dinner for a neighbor, whose wife died almost two years ago, and whose daughter died in October.  I had thought about having him and his wife over for dinner when she was alive, and then him and his daughter while she was alive, and now--finally!--I followed through on my good intentions.  He may be moving this summer.  He will most likely be losing his house, and will have to live with relatives in California.  I remember when his wife bought the property next door, intending for one of their children to build a house on it, and how they got the property their house is on through an inheritance from her grandmother, and when the house was built.  The house stores stuff that his mother-in-law left when she died, when his sister-in-law died, when his wife died, and when his daughter was killed.

"I've got to get my life down into a shoe box," he said.

After he left, I went over the messages my daughters sent me on Facebook.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 21

Today I decide to be wealthy.

It's been a day for relationships. 

I went to a memorial service this morning,  I was surprised to discover that the deceased, who died of medical complications, was only months older than I--I always thought she was well in her sixties. Her son talked about how happy she would be not worrying about rent and paying bills.

I found out my college roommate, whom I haven't visited with in years now has six grandchildren--five more than when I'd last talked with her.  And they are all living with her and their mother, her daughter. I had no idea.  Imagine the grocery bill.

One of my daughters called and talked to her dad about one of the guys she'd written ten page letters to every week for two years is engaged.  She is very depressed about it. I remember those days when I was in college, and how I thought that my heart would never quit breaking, and that the scar tissue would make it hard, and I would be a bitter old lonely woman who would only get older.

Well, I got older, anyway.

I've been able to get more job applications in this week.  A job interview, and three resumes distributed, two for housekeeping, one for a driver position.  I need to get to the gym and start getting serious about weight-lifting, as they all require it.

A success story is that I got a number of articles written for the neighborhood newsletter.  I wish my muse would return.  I have a memoir that I'm ghost-writing, and I haven't worked on it for weeks now.  I also got the newsletters into their envelopes.  And having the job resumes sent out is definitely a plus. 

Today was productive. 

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 16

Today I decide to be wealthy.

The girls left early this morning.  There wasn't the drama and friction as there had been on other mornings.  The trunk was smoothly packed, the Harry Potter tapes were in place, and the girls were ready to go.

I'm so grateful for Aunt Priscilla's gift to Rachel, that she has a car to transport her sisters and to get to her work, and to be able to go to places wherever she's at, like Yellowstone.  We couldn't have gotten any one of them one, due to our economic mess. 

But here we are.  We still have a house to live in (thanks to government grant), and food to eat (thanks to church's fast offerings), and electricity and water and utilities (thanks to Christmas money from my mother-in-law), and car insurance (thanks to Doug having had work).

I am so rich in so many ways--now I need to get finances (a job) so that we can give back, and have health insurance and a steady source of income.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 14

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I responded to an ad on Craigslist for a serving position yesterday, and got scheduled for an interview today!

I also got my the rest of my job applications for the week done this morning (Whole Foods and Ross).

My daughters took me shopping for interview clothes.  I got a black skirt.  They were so sweet, picking out beautiful sweaters for me.  The only who paid at the register gave me a dirty look--it was 40% off, so it was way below what they'd budgeted for.  So now I have a skirt for my interview.  One of the sweaters was a green version of the red one I already have, but I didn't get it, or any of the others either.  I have an outfit now for the interview.  Wish I'd had my hair cut, but I'll go do that after the interview.

I am going to miss the girls so much.  I'll miss their energy, their voices, the sounds that they make as they run water or walk around, their conversations, their beauty.  I've been very, very fortunate to have time with them while they were here.  Tomorrow is our last full day, and then they leave early Monday morning, until April, perhaps.  I'm never prepared for empty nesting; the house cries for attention.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 11

Today I decide to be wealthy.

We visited my mom.  She works as a volunteer at the Portland Art Museum.  Adult tickets are $15 each, but mom's a volunteer, so we got in free.  Afterwards, we went to a late lunch in a hotel, and the food was very tasty.  My sister Cathy picked up the tab.  And I got to ride the MAX (light rail) and have some time with my mom in the adventure.  My mom is healthy, and my sister lives with her, and they take care of each other.  I just show up, my kids with me, and enjoy.

We went back to Salem, where yesterday my daughters went out and raked up the leaves in my mother-in-law's back yard.  (We got there late Monday night, and spent Tuesday afternoon raking and today at the museum.)  My mother-in-law cheerfully fed us and housed us, and was very happy to have us, and gave my daughter who has a car gas money, so I had an all-expense paid vacation with people and places I love.

How rich I am.

Today I decide to be wealthy

Day 15

Today I decide to be wealthy.

My husband and my daughters and I all sat together in Sacrament and Sunday School, and then the girls and I in Relief Society.  We had French toast with bacon for breakfast, and hamburgers for after church, and we went to an open house for a friend who is leaving on a mission on her mother's birthday.  We visited other friends while we were there, including a family whose son just returned from his mission.

My oldest daughter and I watched "Midnight in Paris," which is a very beautiful movie.

Today was a very good day, all in all.

Today I decide to be wealthy.