Day 28

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Once again, I shot myself in the foot.  I saw a posting for a full-time housekeeping post at a retirement center, and it said to pick up an application.  I went there, and found out that they wanted the application filled out on site.  Also, that the manager is someone I know from church, so it's even less likely that I'd be getting the job, as they won't want to be seen as picking favorites, I suspect.

I know I should have my application stuff with me, list of employers, references, etc. But I put it off, over and over again.  As I do applying for work during the week, even though stuff comes up usually on Friday, I should be finding other places to apply at than wait for someone on Craigslist or wherever to post a "help wanted" ad.

So here I am, past midnight, still on the computer. 

When will I ever learn?  When will I ever change!

I should be applying to a different place every day.  Sunday is a day of rest.  But I'll probably go back and apply at Stone Lodge, for who knows what reason.  Maybe they'll send my application to a friend or something. 

*sigh* *grits teeth*  *let loose jaw, take deep breath and let out another sigh*

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 27

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Last night I was up until 3 a.m. working on papers needed to continue our participation in a government program.  This is how we are still in our house--we qualified for a program that "loans" us our mortgage for a year.  It seems that there are new requirements from time to time. 

I am afraid of making a mistake that will cause us to lose the program, and our home, and where will we stay then?  These are papers about budgeting; I should have been doing this 20, even 30 years ago, but the same problems then are the same now: There is no regular income.  And there is no line for tithing on the paper.  (The church has given us food and cleaning supplies and Christmas gift cards.)

We got the papers in, apparently at the same time someone was calling our house in a panic to tell us to get them in.  I'd already talked with the NeighborImpact worker on Tuesday, and he said no worries, just get them in by Friday.  So I procrastinated and did my unemployment resign in and housework instead.  I even did my yoga and exercises in the evening.  (Why do I have such a hard time doing them, when I feel so good afterwards?)

After dropping the papers off at Worksource, we went to Sisters, and Doug changed a lightbulb that was on top of a very tall light pole, and he did a few other things around the building.  The owner is one of our first customers, and we've had him for at least 10 years. 

Tomorrow will be spent sending out letters and applications for the week.  I remind myself that the more I send out, the greater the chances of someone helping me to connect with a job that I will succeed in.

My mother-in-law called, and let us know that she is sending us some money, and is sending some to the girls too.  (I wept after I gave the phone to my husband.) So the bills will be paid in January, while I continue to look for work.  My unemployment amount will be way less than it has been, and I will not receive anything for my so-called "waiting week," which is a week where one waits to see if the last employer will call with another job--as if!

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 26

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I called the unemployment office and got my new claim going.  I get a new debit card, buy now I suspect that my unemployment income is going way, way down.  But I'll still have something.

I ate sardines tonight, to get my Omega-3.  Still eating too much chocolate.  And I'm working on the Neighbor Impact papers tonight, and I got the mending done for another couple.  My husband is helping another family move tonight.  I knew about helping her pack, but I didn't plan, and I ended up waiting on the phone for an hour and a half to get the unemployment going, and I still didn't have all the information that was needed (I was short about $50 in reporting my income from substituting.)

I've spent too much time moping around today.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 25

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Not much to report today.  Got some minor clothing mending for some friends of mine and I opened up "Writer's Market" for 2010 that I checked out of the library a couple of weeks ago.

Step #3 is to "Win in the Margins," to find some talent or skill or idea that can be used for a profit.  The book had some women who were in financial duress when they came up with the ideas that made them their fame and fortunes.

When I applied for unemployment, I had to go to a workshop about using the career finding resources, and I and two others were called out at the end, and we met with someone who talked to us about creating our own businesses.  I asked about what if I became a writer, and that was immediately shot down.  Which is probably just as well, as I haven't even finished two of my fanfiction books.

Today I saw the guy I blame for the mess we're in. I blame him when I'm not blaming myself for taking his idiotic, abusive financial crap paper and throwing it into the fireplace when I first laid eyes on it.


So, anyway, I dropped in at the Goodwill thrift store, to check on some art supplies that I find there from time to time, and there he was, in the book section.  He hadn't seen me, we didn't make eye contact, so I kept going through the store to get to the fabric section.  (I want to make some steampunk clothing and some other stuff), and there was his third wife, cheerfully going through the clothing.  I said hi, but she either didn't hear me or ignored me, and I kept going.  I did a quick check of table linens and picture frames, and then the yarn area, and then headed out the door.  As I left, I saw that he had his back turned to the door.

I don't think things are going any better than for him.  And the scriptures and the prophets say that I need to pray for him to receive the same blessings that I want for myself.  I wish that I could just let it go, and get on with my life.  It seems that almost every dayI have to deal with it again.

Forgiveness is a process.  Just like some people can have cancer and be instantly healed, and others have to keep working at healing. 

Anyway, today was supposed to be about step #3.  I still have yet to find my pay stubs from my October and November job and reopen my unemployment claim.  Now I'll get off the computer, finish putting in the zipper on the jacket, and go through the papers and find the pay stubs that I know are in there, as I just put them in the box a week ago.

I haven't been exercising, and I've been over-eating.  Wealthy people take care of their health.  I did send off the COBRA payments for the dental and eye glasses insurances.  Haven't paid any other bills for this month, yet.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 24

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I should have gotten up when I was awake at 2 a.m., thinking about cleaning the house and folding the laundry.

I didn't feel very motivated when I did get up, at 8:30.  I had troubles while doing house work, thinking of the decisions that led to our current financial circumstances, basically failure for not taking responsibility or speaking up at crucial times.  (Taking responsibility for one's own finances is step #2 of the 5 lessons.)

I replayed how I wish I'd acted, what I wish I'd said, and I'd catch myself and say, "Today I decide to be wealthy," followed immediately with, "Heavenly Father, please help us through this mess."

I felt I was suffocating, and I kept eating.  The job postings were all out of my league, even home health care jobs needed community college certification. Finally, I called the beauty school and got a hair cut appointment.  My hair had last been cut in October, so I wasn't ready for any interviews, and it was in my eyes and just looked uncared for. I was there for an hour, while the new student and the teacher carefully went over how to cut my hair according to the photo I brought with me.  It was half-price day, so my $5 tip brought it up to the regular price.  The teacher was pleased when she saw the tip. $9.99 total.

I went and bought a slice of pizza at Costco, after I went and had samples of chicken sausage and flavored water, and walked around the store, exercising my legs after sitting so long.  $1.99. 

Then I went to BiMart, checked for my lucky number on the board, and bought a new shirt that was on sale, so I have something nice to wear for job interviews that hasn't been pawed by a cat.  $10.  (The lucky number was 4, which is just as well, as my number is 1, and they had some sort of weird bagged licorice for the prize.  The number the last number on the BiMart membership card.  Last time I won, I got chocolate covered pretzels!)

I went to Fred Meyer and bought groceries, $20.75.

Then I went to Jo Ann's Fabrics and bought thread and bias binding tape, two different packets, $7.  This so that I can make alterations on my oldest daughter's white dress.

So I spent $50 today, and still don't have a job, and haven't done the paperwork to continue my unemployment claim.  I'll work on both tomorrow, and get the alterations done.

Benjamin Franklin said, "Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise."

It's 9:30 p.m.  I'm going to bed. But first I'm putting cleaning supplies in the girls' bathroom, so if I get up early, I can get to work right away.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 23

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I called the unemployment center to find out what I needed to do to continue my unemployment benefits, and found out that I just need to have with me my information of October, November and December employment, and do it on the internet.

I did inventory today at a store that sells decorating supplies--knick knacks, furniture, garden art, candles, silk flowers, stuff that looks antique, but was copied off of old early 1900's furniture, very chunky.  According to the book, step #4, this money would be put directly into savings.  Sorry, it's going to the current crop of bills.

Wealthy people pay their bills.  I finally quit putting off talking to the doctor's office about a bill that I got in December 2011, for a visit I'd had in August 2010.  I'd gone in, got my heart listened to and my blood-pressure taken, and told to get my blood checked and a mammogram and come back.  I went to get the blood test, and the insurance refused to pay for it, as it put it to the $1000 deductible, and I knew that it wouldn't pay for the mammogram as it didn't when I have one a few years earlier.  It turned out that everything was fine, except my blood sugar was high. I didn't have a job to even have the hope of being able to pay for anything extra, as I was already being drained by the health insurance, so I didn't go back, and I didn't get a bill until December 2011.  Dr. K. has been very good to our family, and so I called, found out the amount, and arranged to pay for it in $5 increments.  I think that the new billing system, which used to be in his office but is now contracted out, sent the bill, and that he probably didn't even know that they'd done it.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 22

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I am now more than a third through the trial period.

The 5 lessons are --my note are in italics:

1. decide to be wealthy  --doing that part now
2. take responsibility for your money. --working on it
3. keep a portion of everything you earn  --does left over coins in the coat pocket count?
4. win in the margins --find some way to make money that's during your non-regular paycheck time
5. give back --tithing and charity.

I've always done #5.  I've paid tithing since I was a child, and my mom told me not to, as it cost the church more to process the nickel than it was worth.  So I guess in a way, paying my tithing was a form of rebellion against my mom, but it was still keeping the commandment to put God first, first.  So keeping the commandment to love God is honoring my mom.

Anyway, Malachi 3:10--- Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing that there shall not be room enough to receive it.

I also give a fast offering once a month.  A fast offering is when we fast for at least two meals and give the money we would have spent on them to the bishop.  The church uses it to help the poor (like me).  Fast offerings fund the Bishop's Storehouses.  When I had a regular paycheck, I usually gave $20 a month.  Now it's $10.  For $10, that could buy a loaf of bread, a gallon of milk, a dozen eggs, a pound of butter. The last time I got food from the storehouse, it was before the girls came home from college.  I'd say that we got $100 worth of groceries, if not more.  Dairy, canned foods, soaps, baking ingredients, as if we'd gone to the store and bought it all.  (I'd gotten some meats before, and someone was cleaning out their family freezer and gave us some more.)


I would like to give $100 every month, with $200 at Christmas time. Perhaps sometime in this life, I will be able to do that. The largest I gave was $300, when my aunt died and left me some money in her will.  (We paid off the septic system and the water hook-up with most of it.) 

My girls are in college or graduated, and they have good lives.  My husband and I are still together, and we are still in our house.  If we need to, we can get some more food from the Bishop's Storehouse. Our parents are in good health, and we have gas in the car.  We went over to the town where my brother and his family live, and had a nice visit.  We are still so very broke, but at least we are still breathing.


From time to time, I give small donations to other charities.


Tomorrow I have a one-time job doing inventory at a store.  $10 an hour, maybe five hours at the most.  If I had a regular job, this would be part of Lesson #4.


Today I decide to be wealthy.