71 Writing

I got a newsletter article written, ahead of time.  I got some housework done, found a job to apply to, for light manufacturing, temporary job; I talked to Sarah today. 

I worked on Sister Boyce's book a little, research, mainly.

It snowed almost three inches last night.  Tomorrow the roads will be dried, and I will do many things then.

57 Take a deep breath

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Why do I want to be wealthy?  Or in this definition, why do I want money?

To pay my bills.  To be able to share.  To not worry where I will sleep in the future.  To be able to take care of my health.  To be able to have freedom to go to town without worry about the gas in the car.  To help my daughters if they need it. Sarah will, when she gets out of school.  Elizabeth will, if she doesn't find work soon.

I paid my tithing today.

I miss my daughters sitting with me.   The Holmes baby is having "routine" heart surgery tomorrow.  Brenda sat next to me in Relief Society, and I told her about my visit with her son.

I wanted the bishop to say something to me before I left the church building. I was considering asking for help again from the bishop's Storehouse.  I was sitting in the foyer, when he walked by.

"How are you? and how are the girls?" he asked (he was headed out to get something from his car.)

"The girls are fine," I said.

"And how are you," he said, ten feet away from me, and everyone listening.

I hesitated, and he smiled at me.

"Everything is going to turn out fine," he said, and then headed to get something from his car.

Tomorrow, I have a lot to do.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

56 Looking back, looking forward, looking to God

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Lesson #2 in the books is to "take ownership" of one's finances.

I realize that I am so deep in doo-doo financially.  I have good intentions, like making charts showing what bills need to be paid, and I do make them, and then misplace them. I intend to make phone calls, and then forget. I find one excuse after another not to follow through. I went through my check books to see how much I still had out, and how much was available for paying bills.  Tithing money was put into money orders yesterday, so that it wouldn't go through the checking account, so that I wouldn't mistake it as mine.  "Pay your tithing and a fast offering," Elder Golden said. "Many people in Africa are very poor, but they do it, and miracles happen."  I see myself as still being in this financial situation for the indefinite future, but really, if it were anything else, would I do any better?  I think a certain woman I know has been through three or four marriages, and now she's single again, and on disability.  Would I handle her challenges any better?

I have three major job applications that need (for my sake) to be turned in on Monday.  Deadline for one is the 12th, another is the 22nd.  The other one, I'll turn in Monday, when I go to town in the afternoon.  Today I worked on Ida's book, got some research materials, and I also combed the internet, looking for jobs to apply to.   One of the people I used to work for told me that it was just as well that I didn't get hired on at Touchmark, and explained why.

I noticed when I was driving down Third Street, that the dry cleaners has vacated its building. The laundromat is still there.  The real estate agency that was a couple of blocks away was also empty.  Grover's Pub, where one of my co-workers said had the best pizza in town, had its lights turned off.  Craigslist has more openings, but they are professional ones.  I suspect that people are still moving out of the area.

Monday I'll take these applications in, and go apply at motels as a motel maid, at the larger motels, and go to Labor Ready, which is a work-today, pay-today/job placement and Goodwill, which is also a job placement place.

I was at Fred Meyer, and saw two of my former coworkers and a young man who works there, who is the same age as my daughters, whom I used to teach in church.  I said hi to them, and they back as we walked past each other, and Shelly stopped to care about me, asking me how I was doing, and giving me her time, showing that she cares.  She could see that I was just figurative when I said that I was doing fine.  "Hang in there, she said, "that's all you can do sometimes."

I thought some about a talk in church a Sunday or so ago:

We people are first watch people, but God is a fourth watch God.  The speaker explained that the Hebrew day in the Bible was divided into night and day, with the day having twelve hours and night having four three-hour watches.  God will always answer our prayers, but in His time. We want our prayers answered now, but God sometimes wants us to learn something first, and sometimes what we want or need takes time to arrange, but they will be answered, even though the answer is not what we would have thought it would be.


I had my blessing last Sunday, and I was told that Heavenly Father is aware of my challenges.


Today I decide to be wealthy.

53 25 things I should have done...

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Got the verification papers into NeighborImpact!  (I still need to get the budget papers done and handed in.)

While I was going through box and box of papers, I found this.

25 Things I should'a, would'a, could'a while I was unemployed.

I. While I was employed
  A. Tried to expand my knowledge of Fred Meyer (jewelry, home, apparel, etc.)
  B.  Tried to expand my skills
       1.  Uscan
       2.  Front desk  BUT I was afraid I'd make a mistake and be fired as Carlene and Nick were (even though they were hired back)
       3.  Child's department.  (in-store babysitting)  I was qualified-didn't do it. Didn't think until now.
  C. Bought new clothes (needed them for job interviews later)  Needed every penny for the family
  D. Took care of my health
      1. Physical checkups (cost $100 a visit, even with insurance)
      2. Lost weight/exercise
  E.  Been more diligent in volunteering My being available and coming in whenever called got me up to Journeyman & got the max I could for my unemployment benefit





When I became unemployed-
1. I should have gotten a blessing.  I didn't until I'd been unemployed for 6 months
2. I was fired in July. I did work on exercise and walking the butte.
3. When September came, I should have started my school volunteer work
    1.  I had the idea to volunteer Tuesdays at High Desert Middle School--didn't  (gas costs money)
    2. I could have volunteered at Bend High Library or Elk Meadow or Pine Ridge or Jewell or all three media centers (gas costs money)
   3.  I should have thought about where I wanted work, and volunteered there. Like Park and Rec., COCC library. I could have increased my network and made a nicer resume.
________________

So I didn't even make it to 25 items.  Just as well.  I need to just work on getting a job this go-around. Although I do have work on Friday at Pine Ridge, and it looks like I'll be working on the budget thing tomorrow for NeighborImpact. And applying for work at Goodwill and something I saw on the WorkSource site.

(What is it, with all of these combined words?)

Oh, and Touchmark sent me my official word that I didn't get the job. And I'm still here.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

50 Sunday is for start-overs

Today I decide to be wealthy.

While cleaning out the sewing room yesterday, I rediscovered a book I'd read over a year ago:  The Job Hunter's Survival Guide, by Dick Bolles.  He puts out an annual job hunting guide, entitled What Color is Your Parachute? which I bought a copy of, and read it, years and years ago. I'll reread it this week. The book is a how-to guide for looking for work in this specific recession where jobs are so scarce and job hunters so plentiful.

Today is Sunday, always a "start over" day, a way to rest and prepare for the next six days.

Shea announced in Fast and Testimony Meeting that she's lost her job.  I almost started crying for her, and I talked to her later.  She's relieved, as the political pressure was so heavy there. When I'd applied last spring, she called to warn me that it was not a healthy place. She seems to be a few years old than I. don't dye my hair, so everyone sees how old I am, but most other people are determined to stay with the color, thank you very much.

On the way home from church, I pointed out the place I'd applied for the housekeeping job, and that I blew it when I admitted to looking for full-time work.  June was with me in the car, and said that she'd be surprised if any jobs were full-time anymore. She told me how she'd talked to a banker some years ago, and he admitted that the jobs were all at 30 hours, so that they wouldn't have to have benefits.  She scolded him, but that's as far as it went.

I got set apart for my calling in the Relief Society, to be a visiting teaching coordinator.  In the blessing I was reminded that the Lord knows my challenges, and that fulfilling my calling would bring spiritual and physical benefits, and there was more. Basically, I'll be made aware of the needs of the sisters in the ward, and reminded that mine are small compared to others.

Decades ago, I had a blessing that told me that I think my sufferings are great, but the Savior's was far greater.   I was reminded of that blessing today.  The one who gave me that one died some time ago, but his spirit still visits me from time to time, sometimes to encourage me, sometime to call me to repentance. I wondered if he was there in the circle.

I had signed up a couple of weeks ago for the missionaries to come for dinner.  My husband was working on a service call, so they couldn't come here. I was very grateful that I had the stuff to make a broccoli and chicken cream soup, which I took over to the West's, where they would be able to pick it up.

Tomorrow I will do more, do better.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 34

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I assembled my papers last night, did the math, and in the morning, called the unemployment office.  It looks like I will be getting some unemployment benefits after all, as two of my previous employers have yet to report the October, November and December reports. 

My middle daughter challenged me to a writing contest, which I went ahead and entered.  Both of us are in it now, and we'll see if the entries were accepted on Monday.

Maybe I'm to be getting my writing going?  I'll contact Celia and see how her free-lancing worked out.

I didn't do much else today, except look at job postings, and practice the keyboard (piano), and exercised. 

Today is January 20.  The twentieth is always an important date on the calendar for me, as my birthday is August 20, one of my former roommates is April 20, other friends were February 20 and May 20, and an ancestor was July 20 (she was born 100 years before I was).  I need to get my ancestor and her family's stories out of my head and into books that my family can read and keep.  Maybe that's why I'm unemployed, so I can get the work done.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 29

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I had an emotionally sad day, feeling sorry for myself and others.  I had tears during Sacrament Meeting, remembering people who had helped me years ago, who were now dead, and whose spirits I feel from time to time.  I thought too, of how in so many ways, I haven't changed since I was a child, that I still haven't learned my lessons, changed my ways, become more responsible for myself.

The bishop gave a talk about the Book of Mormon, and reminded us that there are answers to whatever challenges we have in our lives.  I thought of the people of Limhi and the people of Alma, how the first group studied night and day how to get out of their slavery (like serfs) and how they finally found a weak spot where some of the guards were stationed, and how they make them drunk and fled while the guards slept.  The people of Alma were too busy being slaves (being treated like beasts of burden), and their conversations were monitored, as they were punished if they were found praying, and the Lord freed them by causing their guards to fall asleep, and so they fled.  Bread or manna, which is it from day to day?

And then there's this:   And now my son, Shiblon, I would that ye should remember, that as much as ye shall put your trust in God even so much ye shall be delivered out of your trials, and your troubles, and your afflictions, and ye shall be lifted up at the last day.  Alma 38:5

I think that trials are what attack you, troubles are in your mind (worries, cares, fears, etc.), and afflictions are in your body (physical illnesses, disabilities).

My goal this week is to get out an application or a resume each day.  And to get into a Red Cross class. And pay the current crop of bills and record them on that housing verification sheet. And to get my cousin's address or phone number, while she's still here on the planet.  (Her kidneys have given out, and she's on dialysis.)  And I signed up to take a meal to a couple on Thursday--the husband has been having cancer treatments on Thursdays.  And to spend more time doing and less time whining.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 20

Today I decide to be wealthy.

I broke a molar a couple of days ago.  It needs a crown, and, fortunately, I have dental insurance that I pay for out of my own pocket, that I got when I was working at the call center a year ago, so most of it is paid for, and the dentist will take the rest in trade. (The dental insurance has paid for dental checkups for the family, a crown for my husband, and surgery for the twins; it's been worth every penny I've paid in premiums.)

The dentist told me that his parents are both unemployed.  His mom is a school teacher, and she lost her job right before she would have qualified for tenure.  His dad is an engineer, and works in airplane production, but there isn't any call for airplanes now, let alone engineers.  So he knows that we can't afford any out-of-pocket payments.

My husband had work today, at two different places, with two of our regular customers, and one told him to charge an extra hour because the job was at night and on very short notice.  So there is a very big sigh of relief there, as I don't know if I'll be getting anymore unemployment money or not.

While I was out driving tonight, I was in a nice neighborhood of older homes, and I could look in the windows and see how neat and clean they were inside.  Having things neat and clean is a sign of wealth.  My house looks like a someone's hording a lot of papers, coupons, and file folders and clutter.  I've read where one feeds another.  Clean the house, and prosperity increases; let stuff pile up, and it makes matters worse.

I know I need to clean out the house.  I've known it for a long time.  And sometimes, I make some headway in getting it cleaned, and other times, it's "home," an emotional nest, like a pack rat's and I just want to sleep and stay in it.  I did, however, make the effort to get most of the dishes done and the counter tops cleared and cleaned.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Day 16

Today I decide to be wealthy.

The girls left early this morning.  There wasn't the drama and friction as there had been on other mornings.  The trunk was smoothly packed, the Harry Potter tapes were in place, and the girls were ready to go.

I'm so grateful for Aunt Priscilla's gift to Rachel, that she has a car to transport her sisters and to get to her work, and to be able to go to places wherever she's at, like Yellowstone.  We couldn't have gotten any one of them one, due to our economic mess. 

But here we are.  We still have a house to live in (thanks to government grant), and food to eat (thanks to church's fast offerings), and electricity and water and utilities (thanks to Christmas money from my mother-in-law), and car insurance (thanks to Doug having had work).

I am so rich in so many ways--now I need to get finances (a job) so that we can give back, and have health insurance and a steady source of income.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

Christmas Day

Today I decide to be wealthy.

It's Christmas.  I am wealthy in family matters and in having enough to pay my bills this month and chocolate.  We went together to church and had the Sacrament together, something I'd wanted as a child, and have had the blessing of over and over again as an adult.  I even got to talk to my sister today, whom I haven't talked to on the phone in ages.  (Long story.)

Tomorrow, I will work on my goals for the next part of my life, which include employment, finances, and talents (getting the books written), cleaning out the sewing room and reducing the clutter in my life (including the never-ending mess in the pantry).

I bought some New Year Cards to send to people, and those are part of the plan tomorrow, too.  Wealthy people write to other people and send tokens of remembrance.

Today I decide to be wealthy.

4th post

Yesterday, I didn't do a very good job of being wealthy.  I don't think that spending an hour playing a game on msn is a wealthy way to spend time, but I did it anyway.

Decide.  I keep thinking of "today I choose to be wealthy."  Well, maybe "choose" might be a better selection, but "decide" is what happens after choice.  Eenie, meenie, minie, choose, I decide this.

Today was a bit better spent.  I got the presents and the paperwork ready for Park and Rec and drove up there.  The bronze deer at the round-a-bout were decorated with wreaths and ribbons, and the buck had a red clown nose on, and its eyes had a different, glaring look that I didn't recall in the summer.

The parking lot had so few cars in it, and the receptionist sent me back to my former supervisor's office.  There were Christmas cards and decorations and a tree in the lunch room.  There were about ten who were hanging out, waiting for the 4 p.m. dismissal.  They ignored me, but the group at the table in the trailer all said, "Hi, Barb!"  when I walked in.  So it was nice, and my supervisor was happy to see me.

I mailed my time sheet, deposited some Christmas checks, bought vegetables for the diner.

We had dinner with another family, who lives down the road.  I remember when she was afraid of losing her house a few years ago.  Her mom was moved out a nursing home into her house, and she took care of her, and was paid to do it.  When her mom died, her husband got a full-time job, and a couple of her children moved home, and had jobs, helping to pay the mortgage, and the stress and fear seemed to be gone.

Today I decide to be wealthy.  

One of my daughters is making a gingerbread castle, and the dog is begging for someone to play with her, and I finally mended some clothes (and forgot to mend some others), and I made the royal frosting, and tomorrow I will get up and call and write and do work that I've been procrastinating.  I put up a small tree on the table in the front room, a stuffed toy one, and I ran Christmas lights around it, so now it seems a bit more like Christmas.

To my mind, the wealthy do not procrastinate.  

Third day. Definitions.

Monday, December 19

Today.  I decide. To be. Wealthy.

Today.  Okay, that means "not the past," and it sure doesn't mean that old joke, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life."  It means "today."  I keep hanging on to a lot of crap of hurt of why I'm not financially in better shape, and I've got to let it go.  I've even gone to a 12-step program to deal with my anger and disappointment about the choices I've made in my life.  So I've got let it go, and just deal with today.  And not be like the totally irresponsible song, "Today while the blossoms still cling to the vine," which is about ditching the person that the singer is singing too, and anyway, it's winter, so no blossoms.  There are a thousand platitudes about "today."  Just deal with it.  Whatever!

I decide.  My responsibility is to take care of myself.  However, I'm also taking care of my immediate family.  I'm afraid, though, that this responsibility to take care of myself means that others will be dumped, like in A Cambodian Odyssey, when in the chapter, "The Selfish and the Dying," that people deserted their spouses when they were unable to keep walking.  The person would be on the ground, calling out, "Sweet!  Sweet!" to their life partner, who would shrug and keep walking   No dumping.  I need to decide to take responsibility for the stuff I'm supposed to be doing.  Like know what the health insurance covers and what it doesn't and get the paper work in and the bills paid.

To be.  Not "or not to be."  To be in the moment.  And then my former supervisor calls and wants to know when will I ever get that paperwork turned in that's a month late?  And the neighborhood association president wants the newsletter to get ready for January by Dec. 23.  I'm always a bit shocked that there's a day after Dec. 31st.  I guess it shows in my lack of life planning.

Wealthy.  Define wealthy.  I'm wealthy in that I actually have land around my house, and a nice woodlot next door, and not living in some jammed-together neighborhood.  I have a nice dog.  I have a nice husband who worries over the dog.  My mother-in-law sent money for Christmas, so I can now pay utilities.  I have my health, my husband has his, so he's able to fix himself breakfast and dinner.  The car works.  There's money for gas.  The girls are all healthy, and have nice lives at the moment.

So for the purpose of this blog, to be wealthy would mean that

• I have my bills paid 
• I have employment to be able to sock some money away for the next illness or bout of unemployment
• I have three months worth of living expenses saved,
• I have the funds to go to the next college graduation and a job that will allow me to go. 
• I have my health, including lower blood pressure and less weight and better grooming.  
• That I look like I'm wealthy in that I'm neatly dressed and I don't look like a slob. 
• And if we have to live in an apartment, that it isn't a creepy stinky noisy one.  
• And some health insurance, please. I'd like to go skiing on the free ski days at Hoodoo and not worry about what would happen if my husband and I break our legs.
• My gall bladder surgery is paid off
• The student load is paid off

So though I'm not there yet, I'd like to be headed in that direction by the end of these two months.